


This is how it begins

by Toady99



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 16:14:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 38,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6086304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toady99/pseuds/Toady99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I hate summaries, but here we go:</p><p>After the death of her fiancée Lexa Woods feels like she doesn't have anything left to live for. She enlists in the military, hoping that death may find her, but is found by a beautiful blonde doctor instead.<br/>Clarke Griffin is on the run from her ex-boyfriend and afraid for her life. When she meets Lexa things are about to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!
> 
> I just wanted to put this out here and would love for you to tell me what you think of it (and yes, the summary sucks). Should I keep working on it?

„Woods! Get your head down!!!“

  
Lincoln jumped and pushed Lexa to the ground and behind what was left of their humvee. A hail of bullets hit the spot where she had been standing only a second ago.

Lexa growled. “Get off me!”

“Damn it, Lexa! If you want yourself to get killed, go for it, but not as long as I am here. You are supposed to have my back.”

  
She growled again, but she knew he was right. She was supposed to have his back, but she clearly wasn’t doing a good job. Their driver was dead and her head was still ringing from when the car had hit the mine and flipped over twice. Who could have expected a fucking landmine in the middle of the ruins of a town?  
She got into a crouching position and tried to get a good look at the shooter. He was up on what was left of the wall that had once been securing the little village. Now everything was blown to pieces. He shot at them again.  
There was blood on her head and she was possibly concussed, but she had to focus now. This place, this sand pit, wouldn’t be the place she was going to die in. Not that she would have minded dying, but Lincoln was with her and she was responsible for his life.

  
Another round of bullets.  
Lexa grabbed her rifle and put the gun barrel down onto the piece of metal that had once been the driver’s door. She took aim. It was an almost impossible shot.

  
Breathe in, breathe out.  
Almost impossible, but Lexa was a good shot.

  
Breathe in, breathe out.  
A very good shot.

  
Breathe in, breathe out.  
She calmed herself, ignored everything around her and focused on the task at hand. Then she held her breath, counted to three and pulled the trigger.

She heard the shot echo from the walls of the buildings and saw the man fall. She heard Lincoln’s relieved laugh and felt … nothing.

“Lex, you want to hang out for a beer?” Monroe stood in the entrance of the tent they were sharing, looking at her.

  
Lexa didn’t look up and just shook her head. “No, thanks.”

  
Monroe just shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

  
Lexa lay back on her mattress and closed her eyes. They had come close to being killed two days ago. Why didn’t it shake her more? Oh, who was she kidding? She knew exactly, why it didn’t faze her. She knew.  
She sighed. If it hadn’t been for Lincoln … But she would never willingly risk Lincoln’s life. She had promised to get him home alive and she intended to keep her promise.

  
In ten days they would leave. Ten more days before they would fly home. The only problem was that Lexa had no idea where home was anymore. Sure, she had a very nice apartment, but was that home? Home had been wherever Costia was. But Costia wasn’t there anymore, would never again be there. The tears felt hot on her cheeks.

  
“Lexa?”

  
She jumped up and made her best offer to conceal that she’d been crying. Bellamy looked at her and was kind enough not to comment on it.

  
“Sorry, for disturbing you, but it looks like we have to head out.”

  
“We do?”

  
“Yes. We’re supposed to pick up the guy from homeland security in the city. Actually it’s Miller’s turn, but he is a little … incapacitated.”

  
Lexa laughed. “Is that code for a hangover?”

  
Bellamy smiled at her.  
“Are you coming?”

  
“Yes. I’ll be right there.”  
She took her gear and left the tent only to find Bell and Lincoln already waiting in the car. She got in and Bell started the engine.  
“Well, let’s go then.”

  
The drive into town was short and when they arrived at the place they were supposed to pick up Charles Pike they had some time on their hands. Lexa didn’t like Pike. In her opinion he was a brute and pretty much the most shortsighted person she had ever met. From the way he talked after a few beers it was pretty clear that if it had been up to him he would just carpet bomb every country that he suspected to hide terrorists. Lexa knew things weren’t as black or white as this.

  
“There he is.”  
Lexa looked up and saw Pike step onto the street. He took a look around and saw their car on the other side of the street. He started walking and was almost at the car when something caught Lexa’s eye.

  
“Did you see that?”

  
“What?” Lincoln looked at her.

  
“The flash!”  
“What fla…”  
The bullets hit Pike from at least two sides. Lexa heard Lincoln scream at Bellamy to start the car, but Bell was about to open the door to get to Pike. A stupid move, because now Lexa and Lincoln had to react. Lexa opened the door, gun drawn and tried to give the men cover. Her problem was that she couldn’t make out the shooters. The place that had been full with people a second ago, now suddenly was empty. She could see people crouching down behind whatever kind of cover they could find.

  
Bell and Lincoln were at Pike’s side now and pulled him back to the car. Lexa fired every bullet she had left. Lincoln pulled Pike onto the backseat, Bell jumped in the driver’s seat and started the car. Lexa moved around to get to the other side of the car. Her gun was empty now, but it didn’t matter. The car was bulletproof. All she had to do was get inside. It was easy. She just had to get inside.

  
She heard she shot ring out milliseconds before she was able to close the door. She saw the shock in Bellamy’s eyes as he looked at her and heard Lincoln’s voice telling him to get them out of there. Something was different and it took her a second, before she understood what it was. She looked down and saw the blood oozing from her stomach. That wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

 

 --

 

Clarke yawned. She had been awake for 24 hours straight and it was finally getting to her. She had ten more days left. In ten days she would go home, hug her mother, meet her friends and sleep for a week straight. Not necessarily in that order.  
She was about to lie down and take a nap when one of the nurses knocked on her door.

  
“Doctor?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“I’m sorry, but there’s a helicopter incoming. One wounded and in critical condition.”

  
Clarke sighed. “I’ll be right there. How long before it arrives?”

  
“Maybe five minutes.”

  
“Enough time for a coffee.”  
She got up and rubbed her eyes. So much for her beauty sleep.

The helicopter landed four minutes and ten seconds later. Two men jumped out and carried a stretcher inside. When they came closer she gasped.  
“Bellamy! Lincoln!”

  
Both of them stared at her.  
“Clarke?”  
Bell looked surprised to see her and also not at all like himself. Octavia’s brother had always been the funny one. She had rarely seen him in an overly serious mood, but now he looked … scared.  
Lincoln and him both seemed to be fine so Clarke focused on the person on the stretcher and held her breath for a second. It was a woman, probably her own age. Her face was pale, almost white and Clarke instantly knew that she didn’t have much time.

  
“What happened?”

  
“There were snipers. They killed the guy we were supposed to pick up and she was shot.”

  
Clarke motioned for her team to take over and prep the woman for surgery.  
“Just the one bullet?”

  
Lincoln nodded.

  
“Okay.” She was about to go when the man grabbed her wrist.  
“Clarke, she saved our lives. None of us would be standing here if it wasn’t for Lexa.”

  
Clarke looked at him.  
“I will do everything I can.”

 

\--

 

Being shot hadn’t been as painful as Lexa had thought. Maybe it was because of the adrenaline or because she had passed out quickly, but it hadn’t hurt nearly as much as she had expected. Waking up however was a bitch.  
She clenched her teeth and tried to sit up only to fall back again gasping.

  
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  
She didn’t know that voice. She was pretty sure even if her head felt a little foggy. The voice was nice though, raspy. She liked it despite the fact that it was screaming at her.  
She felt two strong hands push her down to the bed and tried to open her eyes which seemed to be impossible. What the hell was going on?

  
“Lexa! Lexa stop struggling. You need to lie still or you will pull your stitches and I will have to redo them. I am tired and I need to sleep. So, please, rest now.”

  
What the hell? Lexa tried to relax, but her body felt like someone was pushing a red-hot iron dagger through it. She groaned and heard the voice tell somebody to increase the dosage of the pain killers. A minute later she passed out.

Clarke rubbed her eyes and looked at the woman in front of her. She had managed to extract the bullet and stitch her up. She hadn’t anticipated how strong the woman was though. The dosage of the anesthetic hadn’t nearly been enough to keep her out of it for long. She had to literally hold her down when she was about to wake up to make sure she wouldn’t kill herself. Now Lexa Woods was asleep and Clarke had some time to properly look at her.  
How could she have been the one single-handedly saving Bellamy’s and Lincoln’s lives? The boys were fighters, tall and muscular, and she was what? 5 foot 5? It was not like Clarke didn’t think the woman couldn’t hold her own, but right now, lying in this hospital bed she looked so young and fragile.  
Clarke sat down on another bed. The woman was beautiful. Clarke smiled. She hadn’t thought of something or someone as beautiful for a long time. She wondered what the color of her eyes might be. She looked at her watch. If the painkillers did their job as expected she would have at least six or seven hours until she’d find out. She smiled again. She told the nurse to call her should anything happen to her patient and went to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> Sorry, this chapter is a tad short. I'll try to make it up to you next time.  
> Have fun and give me some feedback.

“Doctor?“

  
Clarke groaned.

  
“Doc?”

  
“What?!”

  
“Sorry, but you wanted me to wake you if the status of your patient changed?”

  
Clarke opened her eyes and sat up.  
“Yes?”

  
“She seems to be waking up.”

  
Clarke yawned.  
“Okay. What time is it?”

  
“7 a.m.”

  
Clarke calculated quickly.  
“That’s only four and a half hours. How the hell can she wake up so soon?”

She looked to the nurse who just shrugged.  
“Okay, I’ll be right there.”

  
The nurse left and Clarke got up. She felt a little better than before, but she would have loved to sleep just a few more hours. She got another cup of coffee instead. It was disgusting, but the caffeine helped.  
When she entered the room Lexa Woods was in she realized her patient wasn’t alone. Bellamy slept in a chair in what looked like a really uncomfortable position while Lincoln was snoring on one of the beds. Clarke grinned and took a photo to send to Octavia and Raven. They would love this.

  
She went over to the bed. The woman’s face wasn’t as pale as before and Clarke nodded a little to herself. She took the chart and checked the data. Everything was within limits and except for the fact that Lexa seemingly was able to fight a pretty high dosage of anesthetics that should have knocked her out way longer there was nothing out of the ordinary.

  
Clarke looked at her. Dark hair, full lips, very nice eyebrows. Cute ears. What the hell, Griffin?! She shook her head a little to get that thought out of her head.

  
“Do you like what you see?”

  
Clarke jumped and blushed at the same time which made Bellamy laugh.  
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

  
He grinned. “No, you sure don’t.”

  
She looked at him like she was going to strangle him.  
“Just wait until I tell your sister how you kept watch at a pretty woman’s bedside. She’ll have a field day with that!”

  
Bellamy seemed confused, but then he looked at Lexa and back at Clarke.  
“No. This is definitely not why I’m sitting here.” He smiled. “I’d be barking up the wrong tree anyway.”

  
Clarke stared at him.  
“I’m sorry, I don’t follow … ?”

  
“Lexa’s not into boys, Clarke.”

  
“She is not?”

  
He smiled again and now Clarke was really thinking about strangling him. He was having way too much fun right now.

  
“No.”

  
“No to what?” Lincoln sat up on the bed and yawned.

  
“I just told Clarke that Lexa’s gay.”

  
Lincoln nodded matter-of-factely. “Yeah, so?”

  
Clarke rolled her eyes.  
“You guys! I haven’t seen you in six months, but it only takes you all of five minutes to annoy the hell out of me.”

  
Bell laughed, it was a good natured laugh.  
“Oh, come on, Clarkey. You’ve missed us!” He got up and embraced her. “Why didn’t we know that you were here by the way?”

  
“I didn’t exactly have time to talk to anyone much lately and you guys are always at some secret location, so … I thought O might have told you?”

  
Lincoln shook his head.  
“No, she hasn’t. She’s way too pissed off that she has to deal with all the wedding stuff alone. Well, not alone, Raven is there. But the fact that half of her family and friends thought it a good idea to ‘spend some time abroad’ kinda made her mad.”

  
Clarke looked at him.  
“I think she’s faking the being pissed off part. She’s afraid that you boys get yourself blown up and you know her: She’d rather look pissed off than afraid.”

  
Lincoln nodded. “I know. But this is my last tour. I’ll be home before she knows it.”

Bellamy sat down next to him. “Yeah, me too. I’ve had enough war and death for this lifetime.”

  
Clarke took a look at both of them. She had known Bellamy for as long as she could remember. Octavia, Raven and her had been friends since kindergarten and O’s big brother had always looked out for them. Bell met Lincoln on his first tour to Afghanistan and when he introduced him to Octavia … well the rest was history. Lincoln had proposed to her before he had shipped out for his last tour.  
Clarke’s decision to come here had been a rather spontaneous one. She needed to get away from home for some time. She needed to get as far away as possible. And so here she was. The last six months left her more experienced and most definitely more grounded. She had seen things she had never thought she would and a few of them would probably never leave her again. Yet Clarke was glad she came.  
She turned around to look at her patient again. Her eyelids were fluttering. She would wake up anytime now. Clarke checked the heart rate monitor and was satisfied when it showed no complications. When she looked back at the bed she stared directly into intense green eyes and felt a smile form on her lips.

  
“Hey, Lexa. It’s good to have you back.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have no idea why, but as soon as I had posted the second chapter I had an idea for the next. So here it comes.  
> Please tell me if you like where it's going ... and how much everyone hates Finn, because I know you all do. ;)

When Lexa woke up she stared directly into a pair of blue eyes that seemed to hold everything. Everything from a blue sky to a thunderstorm. She had no idea why that was the first thing that crossed her mind. She was probably delirious.  
She blinked and saw the woman smiling at her. It was a very nice smile.

  
“Hey, Lexa. It’s good to have you back.”

  
Bellamy and Lincoln were to her right and also smiled at her.  
“Hey, Lex! Good to see you awake.”

  
She wanted to answer, but her throat was as dry as the desert she had spent the last few months in. Before she could try again she felt a cup at her lips and a strong hand helping her to keep her head up a little. She looked up and saw blue again. The water was delicious.

  
“Careful, not too much, okay?”

  
She nodded and the woman helped her to lie down again.  
Lexa concentrated on Bellamy.  
“Pike?”

  
“Didn’t make it.”

  
She nodded in silent acceptance. She had been pretty sure his wounds were fatal. But she had thought the same of hers. She had assumed … She didn’t know what to make of this. Should she be happy or sad?  
She looked at the woman who was still standing next to her.  
“And you are?”

  
The woman blushed which amused her. Why would she blush?

  
“Clarke. I am Clarke. I mean … my name is Clarke Griffin and I am your doctor.”

  
Lexa smiled a little.  
“Okay.”

For a moment both women looked at each other without blinking. Lexa felt like everything around them had just stopped. Everything was quiet and calm. She was quiet and calm. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt like this. Probably not since … Costia. That thought set everything back into motion.

Clarke felt like something extraordinary had just happened. Something she couldn’t quite place, but had a lasting impact on her. Something that made the hair on her neck stand on end. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t. Not here, not now.

Bellamy watched the whole scene silently and with a smile. Maybe he was imagining things, but these two seemed to have something going on. Something he would definitely not meddle with. At least not yet.

“Lexa, Clarke is a friend of my sister’s. We had no idea that she was here, but you were lucky that she was, because Clarke is simply the best doctor there is.”

  
Lexa saw the blonde blush even more and couldn’t help but smile.  
“If you say so.”  
She looked at Clarke. “So, Doctor, how am I?”

  
Clarke cleared her throat. “Well, I had to get a bullet out of you and you lost a lot of blood, but you seem to have the constitution of an ox …"

  
“Excuse me?”

  
Clarke laughed.  
“I gave you a dosage of the anesthetics that should have knocked you out for good for at least six hours. You woke up after four and a half, keeping me from my well-deserved sleep I might add.”

  
“I’m sorry.” Lexa looked like she really was and Clarke had to smile.

  
“Oh, well, it’s fine. At least I had some time to catch up with the boys.”  
She looked at her patient.  
“You really should try to sleep some more though. You need to rest to get better.”

  
Lexa looked at her.  
“Doctor’s orders?”

  
Clarke laughed.  
“Yes.”

  
“Okay.”  
Lexa felt tired anyway. She took one long last look at Clarke before she closed her eyes. She was asleep within minutes.

  
Bellamy couldn’t believe what he had just witnessed. He looked at Lincoln who seemed just as shocked as he was and shook his head in amazement. What the hell had just happened to Lexa Woods?

 

\--

 

“Clarke, how did you do that?”

  
Clarke stopped walking.  
“How did I do what?”

  
Bellamy leaned his back on the wall of the hallway and looked at her.  
“Not only did you make Lexa smile, but you told her she needed to rest to get better and she actually followed your suggestion.”

  
“So?”

  
He took a deep breath.  
“Lexa is ... Lexa is an excellent soldier. She is brave and cunning and smart, but she is also a little … self-destructive.”

  
Clarke looked at him.  
“What do you mean by that?”

  
“Can we sit down somewhere?”  
“Sure, follow me.”  
Clarke took him to her room and made him sit down on the bed. She took the only chair in the room.

  
Bellamy continued.  
“Lexa was engaged. Back in New York. Her fiancé’s name was Costia. She was beautiful. I’ve seen the pictures.” He stopped for a moment. “Costia died about a year ago. It was a car accident. She was in the hospital for a few weeks before they finally switched off the machines.”  
He looked at Clarke who just nodded for him to go on.  
“Lexa was there the whole time. She wouldn’t leave and after Costia’s death she simply gave up. She drank herself into a stupor every night and even got into a few bar fights.”

  
Clarke tried to imagine Lexa Woods in a drunken bar fight.  
She looked at Bellamy.  
“Ho do you know all of this?”

  
“I know her sister.”

  
“Her sister?”

  
“Anya, she has a private security business. Well, actually she owns half of it. The other half belongs to Lexa. Anyway, I met Anya a few years ago and she offered me a job should I ever decide to quit the army.”

  
Clarke looked at him.  
“And are you going to?”

  
“Yes. I’ll be working for Anya as soon as I get home.”

  
“That’s great, Bell!”

  
He smiled. “Yes, it is. It’s a good job. Less land mines.”

  
Clarke laughed.  
“But what about Lexa? Why is she here?”

  
He sighed. “One day she just signed up and left New York in the middle of the night. Anya found a letter.”

  
“What kind of letter?”

  
“The kind that you leave if you don’t expect to come back. It was addressed to Anya, so she opened it. After that she called me. She knew she couldn’t convince Lexa to stay, but she knew I might be able to make sure she was with me. To look after her a little.”

  
Clarke looked at him. “She was afraid her sister was suicidal and she asked you to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid? That’s a lot to ask.”

  
Bell smiled at her.  
“It’s not like Lexa ever talks about ending her life. In fact I think she would never do that. It’s more subtle than this. It is more like she was waiting for death to find her, you know.”

  
Clarke got up. “Well, yesterday it almost did.”

  
Bellamy got up too.  
“That is what I am talking about. She was almost killed and quite frankly I would have expected her to be pissed at us for saving her. But instead …”

  
“What?”

  
He grinned. “Instead she opens her eyes and looks at you like you are some sort of … mystery to be solved.”

  
“Bell, I am no mystery.”  
He laughed. “Oh, come on, Griffin. You know what I mean. And by the way, you stared at her too.”

  
“I did not!”

  
“Yes, you did.”

  
“I just looked at her, because she is my patient.”

  
“Whatever you want to tell yourself.”

Bell grinned and sat back on the bed.  
“And now sit down and tell me something else.”

  
Clarke sat back down.  
“What?”

  
Suddenly Bellamy was serious and Clarke knew what was coming. She wasn’t prepared for it.  
“What the hell are you doing out here, Clarke? You have a perfectly good job. You help people at home every day. You don’t need to be an army doctor to serve some hero complex. So why are you here?”

  
She hesitated for a moment. She didn’t know how to say. The whole idea still made her head spin.  
“I needed to get away. … I needed to get away from Finn.”

  
“Your ex?”

  
“He’s … he’s been stalking me and one day …” She didn’t know how to go on.

  
“What Clarke?”

  
“He tried to … I mean, he didn’t … but he … he still had his key and he …”

  
Bellamy pushed himself off the bed and kneeled down before her. His face had turned to stone.  
“Did he try to rape you, Clarke?”

  
Clarke felt the tears roll down her cheeks and couldn’t do anything about it. She hadn’t talked about it with anyone. She hadn’t known how. She felt so stupid and ridiculous, but of course she knew that she was not. She should have gone to the police. She should have done something, but she hadn’t. Instead she had left and now she was here, ten days before she had to go back, and she still had no idea what to do. Instead of an answer she leaned forward and hid her face in the crook of Bellamy’s neck and when she felt his arms around her she couldn’t stop it anymore. All the tears she had been keeping back came flooding out and she didn’t care anymore.

  
Bellamy held her until fell asleep in his arms. He lifted her up and laid her down on the bed. After that he looked at her for a long while and when he finally went to the door and closed it behind him there was one thing that was absolutely clear to him: He would rip the little bastard’s head off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> Waiting for the new episode? Me too, but I have to wait a day longer which I hate (the downside of not living in the US). I thought that maybe you need something to occupy your time until "Bitter Harvest" drops so here is chapter four. Keep the comments coming. I love reading them.

“No! Please, no. Don’t!”

  
Clarke turned her head to see Lexa tossing and turning in her sleep. She went to her bed and sat down on the edge of it.  
“Hey!”  
She touched her arm.  
“Hey, Lexa. Wake up.”

  
The woman turned her head in her direction, eyes still closed.  
“Please, no!”

  
Her voice sounded so sad, so defeated. Clarke wondered what her dream was about. She was about to wake her, but suddenly Lexa’s hand was on hers and Clarke stopped in mid-motion.  
It was so easy, sitting here, looking at her, and the handholding seemed to have stopped the nightmare. Lexa was calm now, so Clarke stayed put, letting the minutes pass by.

  
She had nine more days. Nine days left until she had to face her old life again. Nine days until she had to be in her apartment again, hopefully alone. For the last six months Clarke had almost never been alone. She hadn’t had time to think about Finn, about the way he had … touched her, about what she was going to do about it. She didn’t have any proof.  
She knew Bellamy wouldn’t let something like this slide. She would have to talk to him about it to make sure he wouldn’t do anything … drastic. He was like a brother to her and she didn’t want him to get in trouble. She sighed. She didn’t know if she wanted to tell her mother, if she wanted to tell anyone. Even the thought of it made her stomach turn. She didn’t know why. She had done nothing wrong.

  
She sat there for the longest time, not noticing the glances of the nurse. Even if she had, right now she wasn’t in the mood to care.  
When she finally lifted her head she looked right into Lexa’s eyes. She had been watching her, but Clarke did neither blush nor move. Lexa seemed to scan every part of Clarke’s face like she wanted to memorize it. Her fingers interlacing with Clarke’s seemed to be the natural progression. Clarke just sat there and looked at her until she finally broke the silence.

  
“You had a nightmare.”

  
“You look like you had one yourself.” Lexa’s voice was soft and Clarke felt a sort of calmness inside her that she hadn’t known before.

  
“Yes, something like that.”

  
“Do you want to talk about it?”

  
Clarke shook her head. “No.”

  
Lexa nodded. She understood.

  
“Doctor?”

  
Clarke turned around and saw the nurse looking at her from a few feet away.

  
“Yes?”

  
“I am sorry, but I need you in Private Fenton’s room.”

  
“I’ll be right there.”

  
Clarke looked at Lexa and was sad that she had to go.  
Lexa smiled and slowly let go of her hand.  
“It’s okay, Doc. I’m fine now.”

  
Clarke couldn’t help, but wonder if that was the truth for either of them.

 

\--

 

“I really don’t think she wanted you to tell me about this.”  
Lincoln looked at Bellamy who was pacing around the tent they were in.

  
“I know that. But I had to tell somebody. I was about to explode!”

  
Lincoln scratched the stubble of his beard. Octavia would hate it. He really needed to shave before they went home, which was in nine days. The best thing was that they had orders not to go back to camp. They were supposed to spend the nine days at the hospital, basically doing nothing. War was over for Lincoln.  
He looked at Bellamy. “What’s your plan?”

  
“I don’t have one. I mean, I will kick the bastard’s ass, but except for that I have no clue. What if he keeps harassing Clarke? I can’t bloody well kill him.”

  
“Well, you could do something else.”  
Bell stopped.

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“Your new job is in the private security business.”

  
“So?”  
“And Clarke just saved the sister of your boss …” He smiled at Bellamy. “There are possibilities. Just saying …”

  
Bell considered this.  
“I guess, I could ask Anya for a favor … And maybe she even benefits from it.”

  
Lincoln was curious now. “How?”

  
Bellamy just smiled. “You’ll see.”  
He took his mobile from his pocket.  
“I have to make a call.”

 

\--

 

Anya stared at her phone in annoyance. It had been ringing the whole day and she was sick of answering. All she wanted was to go home, take a shower and sleep.  
She looked at the caller ID and when she saw the number her stomach flipped.  
No, please God, no!

  
“Bellamy?!”

  
There was static on the other end.

  
“Bellamy?”

 

“Anya? Can you hear me? Sorry, the line isn’t so good.”

  
“I can hear you. What is wrong?”

  
Static again. Anya cursed.  
“Hello?”

  
“Yes, sorry, Anya. I went outside. Can you hear me now?”

  
“Yes. What is wrong?”

  
“Wrong?” Bellamy sounded confused. “Oh, sorry, I scared you, didn’t I? Nothing is wrong. Well, not anymore at least.”

 

“You’re not making any sense, Blake. Is Lexa okay?”

  
“Lexa was shot, but we made it to the hospital in time. She is fine. She will need some time to heal, but she’ll be fine.”

  
Anya let her self fall back in her chair.  
“She was shot? How?”

  
“She saved Lincoln and me. Without her we’d be dead.”

  
“She didn’t …”

  
Bell understood what she was asking.  
“No.”

  
Anya took a deep breath.

  
“When will you be home?”  
“In nine days. Lincoln and I will stay with her until then. She’ll be fine. Clarke takes good care of her.”

  
“Clarke?”

  
“Yes. That is actually the reason why I am calling. Clarke is a friend of mine. Well, actually she’s my sister’s friend, but I’ve known her since she was in kindergarten. She’s a doctor. Anyway, Clarke has some … problems with her ex-boyfriend. He has been stalking her and … well, he did a little bit more than that. I don’t want to go into the details right now.” He paused. “I’d like to ask you a favor.”

  
“You want me to give her a protective detail? It’s done. I owe you, Bellamy.”

  
She heard him smile.  
“Actually, I had something a little bit more specific in mind.”

  
Now Anya got curious.  
“Explain.”

  
“You probably won’t believe it, but Clarke and Lexa … I don’t know how to explain it, but there is something going on.”

  
Anya got up and walked to the window of her office. She had a nice view over the city.  
“What exactly do you mean by that?”

  
“It’s really … they’ve been staring at each other constantly and Lexa keeps on … smiling.”

  
“My sister is smiling?”

  
“Yes. And she is … just calm when Clarke is there. And with Clarke it’s the same. I have no idea how you want to call this, but there is definitely something going on.”

  
Anya looked outside. She had always loved the city by night. It was beautiful. It calmed her.  
“Okay, I will believe it when I see it. But what is it exactly that you propose?”

  
He heard him chuckling.  
“Let Lexa be the one that keeps an eye on Clarke.”

  
“But you said she needs time to heal.”

  
“She does, but I will have a serious talk with Clarke’s ex and I doubt he will be a big problem after that. And did I mention that Clarke is a doctor?”

  
Anya grinned.  
“And you think that this will work? Your friend has no more problems with her ex and Lexa will stop being so sad all the time?”

  
“They will cure themselves. I just know it.”

  
Anya thought about it for a minute.  
“Okay, Cupid, let’s try.”

  
“Great, Anya! Thank you!”

  
“No problem. And Bell …?

  
“Yes?”

  
“Thank you for taking care of my sister.”

  
“You are welcome.”

  
The call ended and Anya stayed at the window looking outside. Lexa was smiling? That would really be something.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> So here is the next chapter. Keep the comments coming, please. They make writing even more fun.

“No way!”

  
“Lexa, don’t be so damn headstrong.”

  
”No fucking way, Bellamy!”  
She stared at the wheelchair in front of her. No way was she going to sit in it. She had spent ten days in a hospital bed and today she was going to leave and go home and she would bloody well do it on her own two feet.

  
“What is going on?” Lexa heard Clarke’s voice and turned her head.

“I am not sitting in that.” She pointed at the wheelchair. “I am perfectly fine and capable of walking.”

  
Clarke looked at her and started to laugh. “What is it with patients and not wanting to get into a wheelchair? It is hospital policy.”

  
Lexa looked at her. “It makes you feel weak. After ten days in a bed I really don’t want to feel weak again.”

  
Clarke grinned. She had spent the last ten days with Lexa and she still hadn’t figured her out completely, but she knew that if she didn’t want to sit in the wheelchair she probably wouldn’t. She looked at Bellamy.  
“Would you be so kind and get my luggage? I’ll take care of her.” She pointed at Lexa.

  
Bellamy shook his head in utter annoyance, but went anyway.

  
Clarke sat down next to Lexa.  
“Are you okay?”

  
“Why wouldn’t I be?”

  
“I don’t know. I just know that I will see my mum and my friends in a few hours and though I’ve really missed them I’m also a bit afraid of seeing them again.”

  
Lexa looked at her. “Why?”

  
Clarke smiled. “I kind of left in the middle of the night.”

  
“Me, too.”

  
They sat in silence for a while.

  
“If you really don’t want to get in the wheelchair there is one other possibility.”

  
“Which one?”

  
“You could walk out of here if you’re accompanied by a medical professional. Do you think you can get one of those to help you out?”

  
Lexa looked at her and was speechless. She had no idea how Clarke did it, but she was flirting with her and it made her smile. She hadn’t smiled that much in months. It gave her a warm feeling, but it also made her feel guilty. How could she smile after losing Costia only a year ago? She looked at Clarke who was studying her.  
“Well, Dr. Griffin, would you possibly be so kind to accompany me to our ride?”

  
“Well, Ms. Woods, I thought you’d never ask.” Clarke laughed and got up. She offered Lexa her arm. “May I?”

  
Lexa looked at her. “You’re being ridiculous.”  
She took Clarke’s arm nevertheless and let her lead her outside.

  
Bellamy and Lincoln were waiting at the car and Lexa suddenly had a déjà vu. She heard the bullets ricocheting next to her and smelled burned gunpowder. Her grip on Clarke’s arm tightened, but Clarke seemed to understand without words. She stopped and whispered to her. “It’s okay. We’re going home, Lexa. I am right here.”

  
Somehow it made Lexa snap back to reality. She nodded.  
“Then let’s go home and slay our demons.”

 

\--

 

The flight was smooth and about an hour in Lexa fell asleep. When she woke up hours later she realized that Clarke’s head was resting on her shoulder, her eyes closed. It made Lexa feel fuzzy in a nice way. On the other side of the aisle Bellamy was reading a book while Lincoln was listening to some music with his headphones on. Lexa watched them for a while. They had become part of her family and it was weird to think that after they had landed she wouldn’t see them every day. Well, she’d probably see Bellamy. She knew that Anya had hired him and she was sure that her sister had made him promise to take care of her for the last few months. Lexa was no fool. Somewhere deep inside she appreciated Anya’s concern and also Bellamy’s, but she knew that they couldn’t help her with what she was going through. She had to figure this one out by herself.  
She felt Clarke stir just a little bit, her hand searching for something. Before she could stop herself Lexa took Clarke’s hand and held it in hers. She felt Bellamy’s eyes on her and shot him a glance daring him to say something, but he just smiled and concentrated on his book again. Lexa closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

“Hey sleepyhead, wake up. We’re here.”

 

Lexa woke with a jolt. “What?”

  
Clarke was looking down on her from where she stood. “We’ve landed.”

  
“We have?”

  
“Yes, you slept right through it.”

  
Lexa rubbed her eyes. “Okay.”

  
Clarke smiled and took her hand to pull her up which had Lexa almost smashing into her. “Hey, careful! I’m still injured.”

  
Clarke grinned. “I remember you telling me how perfectly fine you were only hours ago.” Lexa growled at her und followed her outside.

  
There was a small staircase leading to the ground and downstairs there were people waiting for them. Lincoln already seemed to be suffocated by a woman that was probably his fiancé. Bellamy hugged a small, but feisty looking girl Lexa didn’t know and next to them she could see Anya and a woman that was looking at Clarke. She could feel Clarke stop.

  
Clarke hadn’t expected her mother to be at the airport. She was usually so busy that Clarke had thought she’d probably see her only later that day. She'd thought she’d have more time to prepare and now she didn’t know how to react. What was she supposed to say? “Hi Mom, sorry that I left without so much as a note?” She stayed at the top of the staircase not knowing what to do when she felt Lexa’s hand in hers.

  
“Is this okay? I just want to make sure I have a medical professional accompanying me to the ground. Just in case. I’ve heard about people fainting and stuff.”

  
Clarke looked at her with an expression that Lexa could only interpret as gratefulness. She smiled at her and started to make her way down, pulling Clarke with her.

  
Clarke saw her mother’s curious look as Lexa took her hand, but she didn’t care. All she cared about right now was how everything inside her had calmed the second their fingers had touched. It was almost troubling her when Lexa let go to greet a woman who was probably her sister. She was tall, muscular and simply intimidating. Lexa looked at her like she was trying to find out what mood her sister was in, but then Anya did something unexpected. She smiled. She smiled so warmly that Lexa didn’t know how to react. She had expected almost everything from anger to hurt, but not this. To top it all Anya pulled her over and hugged her.

  
“It’s good to have you back, kid.”

 

With Lexa occupied Clarke now found herself finally facing her mother who looked at her for the longest time before she finally opened her arms to pull her into a tight embrace.

  
“Clarke.”

  
“I’m sorry, Mum.”

  
“It’s okay. We can talk about it later.”

  
“I’m so sorry.”

  
“Yeah, you better be, Griffin!”

  
Clarke turned around to face Raven who was staring at her. For a second Clarke wasn’t sure if she was about to attack her and she saw Lexa watching them closely, but then Raven launched herself into her arms. “Damn it, Clarke! If you ever leave like that again I will kick your sorry ass. Do you understand?”

  
Clarke felt a few tears running down her cheeks and simply nodded. Octavia smiled at her and joined in.

“Really Clarke, it’s bad enough that Lincoln and Bell are playing the hero, but I needed you to pick out cake and stuff.” She grinned. “Actually I still do. Raven and I can’t decide on one and you’ve always been the tie breaker.”

  
Clarke felt Lexa’s eyes on her and motioned for her to come over.  
“Guys, say hi to Lexa. She saved Bell and Lincoln and got shot in the process.”

  
Octavia stared at Lexa for a second and before she could stop herself she hugged her.  
“Thank you! Thank you for keeping them safe.”

  
Lexa winced a little bit and Octavia released her instantly.  
“I am so sorry. Did I hurt you?”

  
Lexa shook her head, teeth clenched. “I am fine.”

  
Clarke raised her eyebrow at her. “As fine as you can be with a bullet hole in your stomach.” She turned to her mother. “Mum, can you check on Lexa at the hospital? I want to make sure everything is fine.”

  
Lexa stared at her. “Clarke, I really don’t think …”

  
“Listen to the doctor, Lexa. You will go with them and I’ll pick you up later.”

  
“But Anya, I …”

  
“This is not a discussion.”

  
Clarke looked at Lexa’s sister. She had been right. The woman was intimidating.

  
She felt Lexa staring at her in annoyance and couldn’t help, but grin.  
“Follow me, Ms. Woods.”

  
Bellamy grinned and when he looked over at Anya he grinned even wider. Anya was dumbfounded when Lexa stopped arguing and simply followed Clarke and her mother to their car. What the hell was happening to her sister?

 

\--

 

“It looks like you’re going to be fine, Lexa. My daughter did a good job.”  
Abby smiled and Clarke blushed just a little. Her mother was a brilliant doctor, the kind of doctor Clarke hoped to be one day so a compliment from her meant a lot.  
“You can get dressed again.”

  
Lexa nodded and put on her shirt, not realizing that Clarke looked a little disappointed. Lexa had a fabulous body, muscular, but not too much, and with curves in all the right places. Abby had seen her daughter’s look though and was curious. She turned away to scribble down a few things in Lexa’s file.

  
“Listen Clarke, I ran into Finn the other day. He asked me about you and says hi.”

  
Clarke seemed to freeze in mid-motion. She went pale and her heart started to race. Lexa watched her with concern. Finn. She made a mental note to find out who was behind that name.

  
“What did you tell him?” Clarke’s voice was shaky and it made Abby look up.

  
“I told him you had been out of the country for a few months and would be back this week.” She realized that something was wrong. “Why? What’s the matter?”

  
Clarke was shaking, her face almost completely white and Abby made a step in her direction, but it was Lexa who reached her first. Without thinking she put her arms around Clarke and held her tight.  
“Breathe, Clarke. You are safe. Breathe.”

  
When she realized that Clarke’s breathing was erratic she started to slowly stroke her back. “Breathe, Clarke. Breathe in, breathe out. It’s easy, just listen to my voice, okay?”

  
Abby just stared at them. She had no idea what was wrong and she had no idea how Lexa did it, but Clarke seemed to relax in her arms. Her daughter had had panic attacks before and it’s always been hard for her to get through, but here she was, listening to Lexa’s voice, breathing. Abby was perplexed.

  
After what seemed to be an eternity, Clarke let go of Lexa and looked at her mother. Her face was still pale and she was shaky, but she knew she owed Abby an explanation. She inhaled deeply and it took all of her courage to talk, but she did it anyway.

  
“Mum, we have to talk about Finn.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!
> 
> This chapter is a little shorter and it wasn't that easy to write. Considering this I'm quite happy with how it turned out.  
> Tell me what you think!

“Clarke?”

  
Abby was lost. By the look of Clarke something was seriously wrong and she needed to know what it was. Lexa was silently standing behind her. Abby could sense that the woman wasn’t sure if she should leave and Abby would have liked her to, because whatever Clarke was going to tell her, it seemed to be personal and of gravity. But one look at Clarke and Abby had a feeling that Clarke was hoping for … no longing for Lexa to stay. Like she was safe ground. How could this be? They had only known each other for a few days.

  
Clarke was tense. She didn’t know how to start. It took her a minute or two until the words finally started pouring out of her.  
“The reason … the reason I left … I …”

Abby made a step in her direction, but Clarke signaled her to stay away. She needed to get it out, right now.

“The reason why I left is, because Finn … he tried to rape me.”

 

Abby felt her stomach turn.

  
“He has been stalking me … He has been stalking me for weeks and one day he was inside my apartment. … Somehow he still had the key and he … he tried …”

The tears came and Clarke couldn’t stop them. “He wanted to get back together and I told him no, but he didn’t listen. He just wouldn’t listen. He was ... strong, I almost didn’t … I almost didn’t make it out.”

  
Abby stared at her daughter. Why hadn’t she come to her? Why hadn’t Clarke talked to her? Inside of her a storm was raging. The little bastard. She would rip his head of.

  
“I don’t remember how I got out of the apartment exactly.” Clarke’s voice sounded a little calmer now. “I just got in the car and drove. The next morning I woke up on Long Island. I have no idea how I got there.” She looked at Abby. “I know I should have told the police, but I had no proof and I know that they can’t do anything unless there has been an actual crime.” She paused. “I was scared. When I came back, I had the super change my lock and didn’t leave the apartment after that. A day later I got a call from a friend I know from med school. He is an army doctor and was supposed to ship out a few days later, but he broke his arm. They were understaffed and I needed to get away, so I just went in his place.”  
There it was. She did it. Clarke felt exhausted, like she had just run a marathon. She felt her mother’s eyes on her and looked up.

  
“Why didn’t you come to me, Clarke?”

  
She knew Abby was hurt, but right now she felt so empty.  
“And what would you have done, mum? Taken a gun and finish him? Because I was afraid that you might actually do that.”

  
Abby stared at her and she knew that Clarke was right. She had no idea what she would have done. She actually had no idea what she was going to do now. Only a few days ago she had seen Finn and he had been smiling at her.

  
“I’m sorry, mum. I’m sorry for not talking to you. It was just … I know it’s stupid, but I was so embarrassed. I felt like maybe I wasn’t clear enough. Maybe I said something he might have misinterpreted. I don’t know … It doesn’t make sense.”

  
“It wasn’t your fault!” Abby closed the distance between them and pulled her into her arms. “It wasn’t your fault, honey.” She felt Clarke’s tears and she held her even tighter.

  
After a while Abby looked up. Her eyes locked on Lexa and what she saw made her shiver. Even though Lexa’s face seemed stoic she could see the rage bubbling underneath the surface. Her eyes gave it away as well as the way she had clenched her jaw and her hands had turned into fists. Abby didn’t need an explanation. It was evident how much Lexa Woods cared for her daughter and somehow it made Abby relax. She didn’t know how, but she knew Lexa would deal with the problem.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> This chapter is a little longer. I had to make up for the last one after all. Like always, I hope you enjoy it and I am (im)patiently waiting for your thoughts. ;)  
> By the way, after watching the sneak peak of episode 3x07 I can only say two things: Lexa (almost crying) does things to me ... Please, don't make her cry! And I really want a t-shirt that says "Meanwhile in Polis ...".  
> See you on the other side!

“I’m sorry.”

  
“What would you be sorry for?”  
“For dragging you into my personal mess?”

  
Lexa looked at Clark who was sitting next to her on a bench in the waiting area.  
“There is nothing that you would have to be sorry for, Clarke. I am glad that you trusted me enough to let me stay.”

  
Clarke nodded and blinked away a tear.  
“I have no idea what I am supposed to do now.”

  
Lexa turned a little to face her directly.  
“Well, I might be of some assistance.”

  
Clarke raised her eyebrows.  
“How?”

  
“I don’t know if Bellamy has mentioned this, but my sister and I … we have a company that specializes in private security.”

  
Clarke smiled sadly. “I’m afraid I don’t have the financial means to employ a bodyguard, Lexa.”

  
Lexa smiled back at her. “Who talked about you paying for one?”

  
“But …”

  
“No ‘But’, Clarke. You saved my life. The least I can do is to make sure that you are safe.”

  
Clarke thought about it.  
“I don’t know. Having somebody around me 24/7 sounds kind of weird.”

  
“Oh, it’s just until we figure out how to deal with the situation.”

  
“And by that you mean how to deal with Finn?”

  
“Yes.”

  
Clarke looked at Lexa whose voice showed no sign of hesitation. She had a feeling that it wasn’t a good thing to be on Lexa’s bad side.

  
“We could put Bellamy on your personal detail. Would that make you feel better?”

  
“Probably.”

  
“Okay, that’s settled then.” Lexa took a look at her watch.

  
“I have a feeling that my sister has forgotten to pick me up.”  
She reached for her cell phone and dialed Anya’s number.  
“Anya? Where are you? Oh, really? And you couldn’t just call me? No. It’s okay. I can get a cab. Really, it’s no big deal. I’ll call you later.”

  
Clarke looked at her. “She can’t make it?”

  
“Obviously something extremely important got in the way.”

  
Clarke got up and held out her hand.  
“Come on, I’ll drive you.”

  
Lexa looked at her.  
“Are you sure?”

  
“Absolutely. At least this way I’m going to find out where you live.”

 

\--

 

Lexa’s apartment was on the Upper East Side close to the Metropolitan Museum and Clarke whistled quietly when she stopped her mother’s car in front of the red brick building.  
“This is where you live?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Isn’t the rent in this area unbelievably high?”

  
“I wouldn’t know. It’s my apartment.”

  
Clarke stared at her.  
“Are you rich or something?”

  
Lexa smiled.  
“Let’s say that our company is doing well and that I am not poor and leave it at that. Do you want to come up?”

  
Clarke hesitated.

  
“It’s okay if you don’t want to Clarke, but it wasn’t a code for anything.”

  
Clarke blushed. “I wasn’t thinking … I didn’t … I would like to come up, thank you.”

  
Thank you? What the hell did she just say?

  
“Anya said she bought some groceries for me. Maybe I can make us an omelet or something.”

  
“You can cook?”

  
“I do.”

  
Clarke grinned. “You really are a catch, aren’t you, Ms. Woods?”

  
This time Lexa blushed and Clarke noticed it with a satisfied smile.  
She got out of the car and followed Lexa inside. The building was old, but well maintained and there was even a doorman. Lexa smiled at him, introduced Clarke and they exchanged a few sentences of small talk.  
Lexa’s apartment was on the top floor. When they reached it Clarke realized that there was only one door.

  
“It’s the penthouse?”

  
Lexa looked at her.  
“I never thought about it that way. It’s not like this building has twenty floors. But yes, I guess you could call it that.” She took the key from her pocket and opened the door, then she hesitated.

  
“Are you okay?” Clarke looked at her.

  
Lexa nodded. “Yes. It’s just … I have to slay some demons of my own.”  
She made one more step and was inside, Clarke followed.

  
The apartment was beautiful, with brick walls and hardwood floors. The windows were huge and reached all the way down to the floor. To Clarke’s right there was an open kitchen with a counter, to her left an old and comfy looking leather couch and a matching armchair. The set was completed by a small coffee table and a flat screen TV that was mounted on the wall.  
There were books all over the apartment. A lot of them were stacked neatly on shelves, others were scattered all over the place. Clarke liked the vibe the room had. She liked it a lot.

  
Lexa made her way to the kitchen and opened the fridge.  
“Okay, I can work with that.”  
She took out all the ingredients she needed and looked at Clarke.  
“I’m going to make dinner and you can look around if you want to.”

  
“I don’t want to pry.”

  
“It’s not prying if I tell you to look around, Clarke.” Lexa smiled.

  
“Well, maybe you can tell me where your bathroom is?”

  
“Sure. Down the hall, second door to your right.”

  
Clarke smiled and left Lexa to her cooking. The bathroom was small, but held a shower as well as a bathtub. It was also really neat. Clarke smiled. The whole apartment seemed to fit Lexa like a glove.  
When she went back to the kitchen she passed what seemed to be the bedroom. The door was only half closed and so Clarke took a peak. There was a beautiful king size bed with an ornate headboard that looked like it was antique. On both sides of the bed there were small tables. On one of them there were more books and lamp. The other was empty.

  
Clarke went inside. A huge wardrobe took up the whole of the opposite wall. It was white and modern, but fit the room perfectly. Clarke looked around some more and realized that the room felt weirdly unoccupied. She knew that Lexa had been away for a few months, but it didn’t seem like anyone had been in here for a longer time than that.

  
A group of framed photographs caught her attention. They hung on the wall on the other side of the bed. In two of them Anya was smiling at the camera, in others there were people Clarke didn’t know, but the majority of the pictures focused on Lexa and a beautiful young woman with an infectious smile. She had dark curls and brown eyes that looked at Lexa like she was her everything. Lexa herself looked relaxed and happy. Like she was at peace with the world, because she had found love and intended to keep it. Clarke felt the slightest hint of jealousy and blushed by the pure thought of it. She turned around only to find Lexa standing in the doorframe. Clarke felt like she had been caught red-handed.

  
“I’m sorry, I …”

  
“It’s okay, Clarke. I told you to look around.” Lexa looked across the room. “I haven’t been in here for quite a while.”

  
“Why? It’s a beautiful room.”

 

“Yes, it is.” Lexa’s eyes locked on her. “I haven’t been sleeping in her since my fiancée died.”

  
Clarke stood in the middle of the room and didn’t know how to react. She knew about Lexa’s fiancée, but she had a feeling that Lexa needed to tell her herself, so she waited.  
Lexa inhaled deeply, before she began to speak.  
“Her name was Costia and I loved her more than anything. She died in a car crash about a year ago … well, not exactly. She died some time later in the hospital.”  
She looked to the floor like it was hard for her to focus on anything else.  
“I couldn’t deal with it. I started drinking … anything to numb the pain. I couldn’t be in here. I couldn’t be in the apartment or this city. That’s why I left.”

  
“I am so sorry, Lexa.”

  
Lexa looked up and her eyes found Clarke's. “I sleep in the guest room. It’s across the hall.” She turned around and walked away. Clarke followed her.

  
The guest room was small and held nothing more than a bed and a small wardrobe. There was a small stack of books next to the bed and Clarke smiled a little.  
“You do love to read, don’t you?”

  
“I do.”  
Lexa stood in the middle of the room and looked around.  
“Maybe it is time I sleep in the bedroom again.” She sighed. “It’s a little stupid not to use it and the bed’s way more comfortable than this.”  
She focused on Clarke again.  
“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention to kill the mood.”

  
Clarke reached for her hand. She surprised herself when she did it, but it felt right. “You didn’t kill anything. I am grateful that you told me. It must be hard for you.”

  
Lexa gave her the tiniest smile, but it didn’t quiet reach her eyes.  
“I guess I’m damaged goods.”

  
Clarke could see a myriad of emotions at once in Lexa’s eyes. She wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but didn’t know how. So she just smiled.  
“Well, then I guess so am I.”

  
Suddenly Clarke’s nose picked up a weird scent. Lexa smelled it too.

  
“Damn it, the omelet!”

 

\--

 

“It was good.”

  
“I burnt it.”

  
“Only parts of it and it was my fault.”

  
“I am the cook, it was my responsibility.”

  
“You really want to argue over who is responsible for burning the omelet?”

  
“Maybe.” Lexa smiled.

  
“Well, okay then, I give up. It was entirely your fault.”  
Clarke grinned. She felt comfortable sitting in Lexa’s kitchen talking, but she knew she’d have to go home at some point. Both of them were tired after a long day of travel and the needed their sleep, so she got up.  
“It’s late. I should go.”

  
Lexa got up, too.  
“Clarke, Bellamy will be with you tomorrow, but I would feel much better if you wouldn’t spend the night alone at your place. Is there anywhere else you could go? Your mum’s?”

  
“My mum is working. I’d be alone there and Finn knows the address.”

  
“That’s a no then.”

  
“Well, but I can always crash at Raven’s.”

  
“That sounds like a plan. I will call Bellamy and make sure he’s with you first thing tomorrow.”

  
“Not too soon, please. I don’t think I’ll be awake before noon.”

  
Lexa grinned. “Okay, then I’ll tell him that.”  
She looked at Clarke.  
“Are you sure you’re fine? I mean, you could always stay here if you wanted to …”

  
“Yes, Lexa, I am fine. We both know that you need your rest as well and I won’t spend the night alone in my apartment. Okay?”

  
“Okay.”

  
Clarke grabbed her cell phone and her car keys and headed for the door. She stopped abruptly and Lexa almost smashed into her.  
“When will I see you … I mean … will I see you again?”

  
Lexa smiled at her softly.  
“Do you want to?”

  
“Yes.”

  
Lexa took Clarke’s cell phone from her hands and started to type.  
“My cell and my home number. I would love for you to call me.”

  
Clarke blushed a little bit and she was mad about it.  
“I will.”

  
“Good.”

 

\--

 

“Reyes, where the hell are you?”

  
“At work. What’s up, Clarke?”

  
“At work? What work?”

  
“At the job I got after you left, Griffin. I’m a bartender now. A girl needs to pay her rent.”

  
Clarke stared at Raven’s closed apartment door. “When will you be home?”

  
“I don’t know? Around four? The place is pretty packed.”

  
Clarke cursed under her breath.

  
“Why what is up?”

  
“I had hoped I could crash at your place tonight.”

  
“What’s wrong with yours?”

  
“That’s a long story. One that I will tell you the next time I see you.”

  
“Sorry, Clarke. Why don’t you call O? I guess she is home.”

  
“Yeah, but so is Lincoln.”

  
“Uh, yes, I forgot. They’ll probably have sex the whole night and you don’t want to be there when that happens.” Clarke could here voices on the other end of the line and Raven got distracted for a second. “Hey, you could always come around here?”

  
“Thanks, but I really need to sleep. I’ll just go home.”

  
“Are you sure?”

  
“One hundred percent.”

  
“Okay, Griffin, call me tomorrow, okay?”

  
“Will do.” Clarke hung up. She considered calling Bellamy, but he was probably asleep by now. She thought about going back to Lexa’s place for a minute and then decided to just go home. One more night alone in her apartment wouldn’t kill her. At least that’s what she hoped.  
She found a parking spot outside her building and searched for her k

ey, but found the door of the building open anyway. Her damn neighbors never bothered to lock it like they were supposed to. Clarke went upstairs to the third floor and down the hall where she lived. When she approached her door she saw that something was lying on her doormat. When she got there she saw that it was a single red rose. It was beautiful and it looked fresh. Next to it there was a card. Clarke looked around and when she didn’t see anyone she bent down to pick it up.

  
“Welcome home, honey. See you soon.”

 

\--

 

Lexa groaned. She had fallen asleep only minutes ago and now somebody was hammering at her front door. She got up and put a shirt on.  
“I’m on my way! What the …?”

  
Clarke was shaking like a leaf.

  
“Clarke?”  
Lexa grabbed her hands and pulled her inside.  
“What is wrong?”

  
Clarke didn’t answer. Her eyes were unfocused. Lexa cupped the woman’s face with her hands to make her look at her.  
“Hey! It’s okay. You are absolutely safe here. What happened?”

  
“There was a rose …”

  
“Where?”

  
“On my doormat. Raven wasn’t home so I …”  
She shuddered.

  
“It’s okay, Clarke. You are safe now.”  
Lexa cursed herself for letting Clarke leave in the first place.  
“So there was a rose?”

  
Clarke nodded. “Yes.”

  
“Anything else?”

  
Clarke looked at her. “Yes.”

  
“What was it, Clarke?”  
The woman took a step back and Lexa let go of her. Clarke opened her bag and held out a card. It was white and the text that was on it was printed.  
“Welcome home, honey. See you soon.”

  
Lexa felt rage bubbling inside of her. What an asshole!  
She looked at Clarke who stood in the middle of the room without moving and made a decision. She vowed to protect this woman whatever the cost. She went back to the door and locked it, then she walked over to Clarke, took her hand and pulled her with her. The light in the guest room was still on, but Lexa just switched it off and made her way to the main bedroom. She pushed the door open and paused on the threshold. After a deep breath she made one very conscious step inside like there was a kind of magical border she had to conquer. Once she was inside everything suddenly seemed easy. She pulled Clarke over to the bed and made her sit down. She opened the wardrobe, took out an oversized t-shirt and handed it to the woman who just stared at it.

  
“Clarke, you are going to stay here and I bet you’ll be more comfortable sleeping in this than your jeans. I’ll just get something from the kitchen while you change, okay?”

  
Clarke looked up. She still seemed like her mind was a million miles away.

  
“Can you manage or do you need me to help you?”

  
“I … I can do it.”

  
Lexa smiled at her. “Okay.”

  
She left Clarke in the bedroom and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. On her way back she stopped at the bathroom to get a sleeping pill as well. Clarke would probably need it.  
When she came back to the bedroom she stopped in the door frame again. Clarke’s clothes were in a pile next to the bed and the woman herself was curled up under the sheets. Her eyes were closed and for a moment Lexa thought she was asleep. She put the glass and the pill onto the little nightstand and wondered what to do now, but when she turned to go Clarke’s voice made her stop in her tracks.

  
“Lexa, please don’t go.”

  
So she didn’t. Instead she lay down in what had once been Costia’s and her bed and slowly put her arms around Clarke who seemed to relax instantly. Weirdly enough it didn’t feel strange and it didn’t make Lexa feel guilty. What it felt like was like this was a first step into uncharted territory. It felt like a new beginning.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> I am sorry that this chapter is kind of short, but recent events made me start another story and now I have to figure out how to balance both. ;) I promise I'll make it up to you with lots of Raven and O in the next chapter. Right now I really have to go to sleep though.  
> As always: Tell me what you think of it.

“Tell me about Finn Collins.”  
Lexa handed Bellamy a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch. Anya was leaning on one of the pillars in the room. It was 8 a.m. Lexa had called her first thing in the morning and even if this wasn’t her preferred time of day it was important enough for her to be there.

  
Bellamy took a sip from his coffee.  
“He’s Clarke’s age, reasonably good looking, a business man. Nothing out of the ordinary as far as I can say.”

  
“What kind of business?”

  
“Hm?”

  
“What kind of business is he doing?”

  
“I have no idea. Something with finances?”

  
Lexa nodded.  
“What else?”

  
“His parents own a demolition company.”

  
“Demolition as in explosives?”  
Anya came closer and sat down next to him.

  
“Yes.”

  
“That’s not such a good thing.”

  
“No, probably not.”

  
“What does he do in his free time?”

  
“I think he’s into sports.”

  
“Tell me he’s into martial arts and I am out of here.” Anya laughed.

  
“No, you’re not.” Lexa looked at her sister with an intensity that made Anya frown.  
“Calm down, kid. It was only a joke. I get that this has gotten personal for you and I swear we’ll take care of it.” She looked back at Bellamy.  
“So what is your suggestion? Talk to him first?”

  
He nodded. “I guess. But I don’t think I should go there alone. I still have this urge to have my fist connect with his face.”

  
“I will go with you.” Lexa tried to get up, but Anya grabbed her arm and made her sit down again.

  
“Like hell you will. You have a bullet wound that needs to heal and with the way you just looked at me Bellamy hitting the guy would be the least of my concerns. I need you to stay where you are and make sure Clarke is safe.”

  
“Anya …”

  
“No, Lexa. Only sixth months ago you left the country in an emotional state that I can only describe as ‘unstable’ and as much as I love the fact that you seem to be better now I need you to chill. I need you to stay here and make Clarke feel safe. Can you do that?”

  
Lexa took a deep breath. She wanted to be out there. She wanted to face the man who had single-handedly made a mess out of Clarke’s life, but deep inside she new Anya was right.  
“So, what’s the plan?”

  
“I will send Bell and Nyko to deal with Finn. You and Clarke will stay here. Make sure Clarke’s friends know what is happening.” She looked at Bellamy. “Have you told your sister yet?”

  
“No. I don’t think it is my story to tell.”

  
Anya nodded. “You’re probably right.”

  
She got up and Bellamy followed. Lexa stayed on the couch.  
“Call me later, will you?”

  
Bell looked at her before closing the door.  
“Sure thing.”

 

\--

 

“Lexa?”

  
Lexa jumped up and stared at Clarke who was standing in front of her wearing Lexa’s shirt. She blinked a few times.

“I am sorry, I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?”

  
“It’s almost ten.”

  
“Okay.” She sat back down, one hand on her stomach, frowning a little.

  
“The stitches?”

  
“Well, I got up a little fast.” She smiled at Clarke’s worried look. “It’s okay. I am fine.”

  
Clarke sat down next to her.  
“When did you get up?”

  
“Around seven.”

  
“Couldn’t sleep?”

  
“I wanted to update Anya and Bell. They were here at eight.”

  
“They were here?”

  
“You were still asleep.”

  
Clarke yawned. “I guess I was. Thank you by the way.”

  
“For what?”

  
“For letting me crash here. … and for staying with me.”

  
“There is no need to thank me, Clarke.”

  
“But I want to. We’ve hardly known each other for two weeks and here I am, a crying mess with lots of baggage taking over your life and you are so fucking patient.”

  
Lexa smiled. “We all have baggage.”

  
“Yes, but mine is the violent type.”

  
“Hm.”

  
Clarke leaned back on the couch.  
“I should probably tell Octavia and Raven.”

  
“Yes.”

  
“So what is Anya’s plan?”

  
“Bell and Nyko will talk to Finn. You are going to stay here.”

  
“And is that alright with you? I mean, this is your apartment after all.”

  
Lexa laughed a little. “It is fine, Clarke.” She got up. “How about you take a shower and I make some breakfast? You can call Octavia and Raven later and ask them to come over.”

  
“It’s a little weird to invite them over here.”

  
“Is it? It’s a perfectly good apartment.” Lexa was grinning now and without thinking Clarke threw a pillow at her. Lexa caught it and took it with her to the kitchen. Clarke couldn’t help but smile.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> As promised this chapter is a little longer and has O and Raven in it. ;)  
> Have fun with it and tell me what you think.

“That’s a nice place.”  
Raven looked around and gave the apartment an approving nod.

  
“Thank you.”  
Lexa smiled at her. She was standing by the door, not knowing if she was supposed to leave or stay. So she waited for any sign Clarke would give her, but Clarke was distracted. She was sitting on the couch cross-legged, her hands fidgeting and did not know how to start.

  
Octavia sat on the chair across from her and waited. Usually Clarke wasn’t as restless as this and she wondered what it was she wanted to tell them. She also wondered why they were here, in Lexa’s apartment. Raven sat down next to Clarke and looked at her.  
“So, are you going to tell us what’s up, or what?”

  
Clarke nodded, but stayed silent and Lexa thought of leaving again, but as soon as she made her first step Clarke looked at her. She looked at her like Lexa was her lifeline and it made her stop. She gave her an almost imperceptible nod and stayed right were she was. Which was almost in the middle of the room and therefore in the middle of the attention.

  
“What the hell, Clarke?” Raven grew impatient. “Spit it out. You’re bi, she’s hot. Are you a couple?”

  
Clarke was positively flummoxed. “What?”

  
Raven laughed. “You and Lexa. Are you two together and for some weird reason you’re afraid to tell us?”

  
“No and no!” Clarke stared at Raven and therefore didn’t see Lexa’s expression give away the tiniest bit of disappointment. It hadn’t been lost on Octavia though.

  
Clarke tried to focus. “This is not … Lexa and I … Damn it, this is not what this is about.”

  
“So, what is it about then?” Octavia looked at her. “There is obviously something on your mind. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember. You can tell us everything. You know that, right?”

  
Clarke felt like her brain was about to melt. Why was it so hard to just say it? She looked at Lexa who was still standing in the middle of the room, waiting. Her eyes were on her and she exuded a sort of calmness that Clarke desperately needed. Lexa smiled at her and so she continued.

  
“It’s about Finn. It’s about why I left.”

  
“What does the douche bag have to do with it?” Raven had that look she sported when she had a hunch and Clarke knew there was no going back now. She sighed.

  
“He is stalking me.” There it was.

  
Raven and O both stared at her in disbelief.  
“He does what now?”

  
“He is stalking me. It started a few weeks before I left. He called me, waited in front of my door or at my car, sent me letters and flowers and one day …” There it was again, the lump in her throat. Every time she thought about that particular night she felt it. The panic that he would rape her … kill her. She saw the look in his eyes that wasn’t his, but that of a monster. She had never seen him like that before. She felt Raven’s hand on her arm.

  
“What did the bastard do, Clarke?”

  
She looked up. “He tried to rape me.”

  
Octavia was on her feet, before she could think about it.  
“He did what?! I am going to kill him.” She looked furious. In fact she looked so mad that Lexa made a few steps backwards to stand between her and the door in case she decided to kill Finn right now.

  
Raven’s face was blank for a second, but then she put her arms around Clarke.  
O looked at them and closed the distance between them to join in the embrace. They were all crying and Lexa gave them space.

  
“Why didn’t you tell us? We would have been there for you. We’re always there for you, Clarke.” Raven’s voice was shaky when they finally let go of each other.  
Clarke was sobbing now and Lexa felt her heart break. It took Clarke a moment to be able to answer.

  
“There was nothing you could have done and I didn’t know … I wasn’t able to talk about it.”

  
“But the police …”

  
“Can’t do anything without an actual crime.”

  
“So you left.”

  
“I had a chance to get out for a while and I took it.” She looked at Octavia. “I’m sorry.”

  
“What the hell for?”

  
“For leaving you with the wedding … without Lincoln …”

  
“Don’t sweat it, Clarke. There is plenty left to do.” Octavia laughed. She was relieved. She was relieved that Clarke finally let her guard down and told them. Now they could confront the issue. Together, like they always had. She directed her attention at Lexa.  
“So this is why Clarke is here with you? You’re basically her bodyguard?”

  
Lexa didn’t know how to answer that question. She hadn’t really thought about it, but it sounded about right.  
“When she went home yesterday there was a rose on her doormat. He knows she’s back, so Clarke came here. My sister and I have a company that specializes in personal security so I guess you can say that I am some kind of bodyguard.”

  
“I bet that’s not the way she wants to guard Clarke’s body.” Raven’s voice was so low that Clarke almost didn’t here her, but she did. She glared at Raven who just shrugged.

  
Octavia wasn’t finished with Lexa yet.  
“My brother works for you now, right?”

  
“Yes. Actually he is trying to get a hold of Finn to talk to him right now.”

  
“I hope he beats him up in the process.” Raven frowned. “If he doesn’t I just might. Don’t you ever think that I can’t.” She tipped on the brace on her leg.

  
Lexa smiled. “Raven, I think you’re perfectly able to kick someone’s ass.”

  
“What if he doesn’t find him or if he keeps harassing Clarke?”  
Octavia looked at her and Lexa tilted her head a bit. This one was persistent. She liked her.  
“We will deal with that.”

  
“How?”

  
Lexa smiled. “I have my ways.”

  
Octavia didn’t know why, but even if the answer was vague it satisfied her, because it came from Lexa. The woman had something going on. It seemed like underneath the calm and composed exterior there was a different person that would be able to deal with almost any situation. Octavia admired that.

  
Clarke listened to the conversation and realized that she was smiling. The way Lexa handled herself with her friends was something new. None of her boyfriends had ever been able to win her friends over, but with Lexa it was different. Seconds later she blushed at the realization that she had thought of Lexa in terms of a girlfriend. She saw the amused look on Raven’s face and glared at her some more.

  
“So what are we going to do now? Can we help in any way?” Raven took a closer look at Lexa. She had been right. The woman was hot and the way she looked at Clarke didn’t need an explanation. She was curious how long it would take the two of them to realize what was so clear to see.

  
“For starters you need to be aware that Finn might try to contact you to get to Clarke. I don’t know how he will react, so please, be careful if you see him.”

  
“He better be careful.”

  
“Raven!” Clarke looked at her friend. “Please.”

  
Raven sighed. “I know, I know. I won’t do anything stupid. I promise.”

  
Lexa nodded. “Okay. As long as Clarke isn’t safe she will stay here. If you guys could pick some things up from her place that would be a big help.”

  
“Sure. We can do that.” O looked at Clarke. “Make a list and we’re on it.”

  
She thought for a second. “Hey, how about we get your stuff and grab some pizza on our way back? We could hang out some more tonight.”  
She looked at Lexa.  
“If that’s cool with you? I mean, it’s your place after all.”

  
Lexa grinned. “Why does everybody feel the need to remind me of that?”

 

\--

 

“He’s on leave.”

  
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Lexa stared at her phone that was on speaker.  
“Since when?”

  
“For the last four days. He came in one morning and told his boss he needed a time out.”

  
“Four days. That’s probably after he ran into Abby.”

  
“Hm.” Bellamy agreed.

  
“Okay, then we have to get a hold of him another way.”

  
“I already gave all of his data to the tech guy.”

  
Lexa smiled at the phone.  
“That would be Monty. Be nice to him. He’s a sweet kid and what he does with computers is just short of a miracle.”

  
“He’s a little weird though.”

  
“Aren’t tech guys always weird?”

  
Bell laughed.  
Lexa took a look at Clarke who had said nothing. She knew Clarke was even more afraid than she was before.

  
“Listen, Bell, Octavia and Raven decided to come over in an hour or so. I guess they’ll bring Lincoln along. Do you want to join us?”

  
“Sure. I can bring the beer.”

  
Lexa heard in his voice that he understood why she was asking. Clarke needed to feel safe and Lexa guessed that having her friends around would take her mind off things.  
“They said something about bringing pizza. Maybe you should call them and give them your order.”

  
“Yeah, I better, before Reyes gets me tuna again. I’ll see you soon.”

  
“Bye, Bellamy.”

  
Lexa ended the call and sat down next to Clarke.  
“Are you okay?”

  
“No.”  
“I guessed as much.” She took Clarke’s hand. “Nothing has changed, Clarke. You are safe here and we will find him.”

  
Clarke looked up. “But he is hiding, Lexa. This is worse than I thought. It’s like being on the run from Hannibal Lecter.”

  
The comparison mad Lexa grin just a little bit.  
“I’ve seen Finn’s photo. He doesn’t look like Anthony Hopkins. Actually I’d be creeped out if he did.”

  
“That’s not funny.”

  
“It is a little bit.”

  
Lexa watched the slight raise of Clarke’s eyebrow and briefly wondered how it had come to this. She was sitting on her couch, holding a woman’s hand and wanting nothing more than to make her smile. When did this happen?  
“Listen, Monty is a genius. He will find Finn. Knowing him he will even go to the dark side of the law to find him. He will. He is that good. The second we know where he is we will deal with him.”

  
“How? How will you deal with him?”  
Clarke sounded angry, but Lexa knew she wasn’t angry at her.  
“The boys will make sure he gets what’s at stake for him. And when everything else fails I will send Anya. My sister can be … very persuasive.”  
For a second Lexa had a flashback. Anya with blood on her hands. Anya with a look on her face that Lexa would never forget. Anya who had killed a burglar that was about to lay hands on her kid sister. Lexa felt herself trembling.

  
“Lexa? Are you okay?” Clarke seemed worried. She didn’t want her to worry about her too, so Lexa shrugged it off.  
“I’m fine.”

  
Clarke didn’t seem convinced, but she didn’t ask any further.  
“I guess I should take a look at your stitches and change the bandage. Or I could call my mum if you’d rather have her do it.”

  
Lexa grinned.  
“It’s not like you haven’t seen me without my shirt before.”

  
Clarke blushed.  
“It’s not … I don’t … Oh, come on, just take it off then.”

  
Lexa grinned some more. She undressed while Clarke got new bandages.  
When she came back she carefully removed the old bandage and took a close look at the wound. It seemed to heal alright. She couldn’t help but notice the goosebumps on Lexa skin and smiled. She started to redress the wound.

  
“Are you cold?”

  
“Maybe a little.” Lexa didn’t sound too convincing. The sensation of Clarke’s fingers on her stomach did something to her and she fought hard not to act on it.

  
“Are you satisfied?”

  
Clarke smiled the most mischievous smile. “Not in the least.”

  
Lexa just stared at her. She was about to say something, do something, but then the doorbell rang. She put her shirt back on and got up.  
“We will have to talk about this later.”

  
Clarke was still smiling.  
“Maybe we do.”

 

\--

 

“You’re early.”

  
Raven looked at Lexa and then over her shoulder at Clarke and raised an eyebrow.  
“Why? Am I interrupting something?”

  
“Nope.”

  
“Then I guess I’m not that early. May I come in?”

  
Lexa took a step back.  
“Sure. Where’s Octavia?”

  
“She’s picking up Lincoln and the pizza.” Raven held out a large back. “I hope that this is what you wanted, Clarke.”

  
Clarke got up to say hello. “Thanks, Raven. Was everything okay?”

  
“If you want to know if I saw that weirdo who is following you: no. And I checked.”

  
Clarke exhaled and Raven looked at her. “What do I miss? You seem even more tense than a few hours ago.”

  
Lexa closed the door.  
“Finn is nowhere to be found. He took a leave of absence four days ago.”

  
“That son of a bitch!”

  
“My thoughts exactly. Sit down, Raven. Do you want something to drink?”

  
“Do you have a beer?”

  
“Sure. And Bellamy is bringing more.”

  
Lexa went to the kitchen.  
“Clarke, what’s your poison?”

  
“A beer would be great, but I don’t know …”  
Lexa smiled at her from the kitchen counter. “Don’t worry, I’ll stay sober.”

 

  
Clarke seemed to relax. “Okay, one beer is okay then, I guess.”  
Octavia, Lincoln and Bellamy arrived about an hour later and they had a very pleasant evening all things considered. At some point Lexa felt Clarke’s hand on her knee as she was animatedly telling a story from the army hospital. Lexa didn’t mind. She also didn’t mind when Clarke started to lean into her carefully avoiding the bullet wound. She put her arm around her and listened to Bellamy and Lincoln talking about how they met. She missed that Octavia and Raven were watching them, exchanging the occasional knowing grin. Right now and right here the world was a perfect place … if it hadn’t been for the psychopath who was out there waiting for his prey. But she would deal with him. She would deal with him tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I am so sorry for the late update, but I am working on a few things at once right now which is pretty exciting, but also time consuming. Anyway, I'll leave you with some fluff and some action and I hope you like it.  
> Give me some feeback, okay? It's motivating. ;)

The next day started beautiful and sunny. When Clarke woke she turned to find Lexa next to her, still sleeping. She smiled. Nothing had happened. She wasn’t sure either of them was ready for … “something”, but there hadn’t even been a question where Lexa would sleep.

Clarke looked at her. When Lexa was asleep it seemed like every burden she was so obviously carrying throughout the day was gone and she was at peace. Clarke wished more moments like this for her. Awake moments.

She got up and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Her friends had stayed until two o’clock and Clarke rubbed the sleep from her eyes. It was nine a.m. now and she was in desperate need of caffeine. She loaded the coffee machine, opened the cupboard and got two mugs out. Lexa had a weird assortment of mugs. A few of them were downright corny and Clarke wondered if they had been gifts or belonged to Costia.  
The coffee machine hissed and Clarke opened the fridge to get milk. She found a cold slice of pizza and took a bite from it. It was delicious.

She wandered over to the windows and looked outside. The sun was already up and rays of light broke in a tiny crystal that was hanging from the ceiling creating a small rainbow on the floor. It was beautiful. Clarke smiled. This apartment felt like home. Even after these few days it felt more like home to her than her own place. She knew why and she would have to deal with the implications sooner or later.

She went back to the coffee machine and poured the brownish liquid into the mugs. She added milk to both of them and sugar for herself, then she went back to the bedroom. Lexa was still asleep. She had turned onto her right side and a strand of her hair was in her face. Clarke carefully put the mugs down on the bedside table and sat down next to Lexa. She didn’t wake up so Clarke just as carefully put the wayward strand of hair out of her face. She was so beautiful with the sunlight now illuminating her.

  
A smile spread on Lexa’s face.  
“Is that the smell of coffee?”

  
Clarke laughed.  
“It might be.”

  
“Hm.”  
Lexa turned around and opened her eyes.  
“Hey.”

  
“Hey.” Clarke looked at her some more. Where had she been all her life?

  
Lexa sat up and Clarke handed her one of the mugs and took a sip from hers.  
Lexa looked at her  
“Did you sleep well?”

  
Clarke nodded.  
“Like a stone. I was so tired and I am sorry that you basically had to kick Raven out at some point.”

  
Lexa smiled a sleepy smile.”  
“Your friends really are a handful.”

  
“They are, but they mean well.”  
“I know.”

  
Lexa drank some coffee and waited for the caffeine to kick in. She yawned and Clarke realized that even sleepy yawning Lexa was beautiful. She smiled and Lexa raised an eyebrow.  
“What?”

  
“Nothing.”

  
“You’re smiling because of nothing?”

  
“Exactly.” Clarke hid her grin behind her coffee mug.  
“Listen, Lexa, do you think we could go out today?”

  
“Out where?”

  
“Just outside. I … I can’t stay inside forever just because of Finn. If I do it feels like he is winning, you know?”

  
Lexa looked at her. Of course she knew. But she also had to calculate the risk and being in the open was a risk as long as one didn’t know the true intentions of the enemy. She thought about it for a second.  
“I’d have to call Anya and arrange a security detail, but I guess that going outside should be a possibility.”

  
Clarke looked at her grinning.  
“A simple yes or no would have been enough, you know?”

  
Lexa smiled. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” She put the mug down and got up. “I’ll call Anya right away, okay?”

  
“Okay.” Clarke watched her leave the room in her oversized Yankees shirt and it made her swallow hard. She really had to gain some self-control.

 

\--

 

“Hey, kid, what’s up?”

  
“An, I have a request.”

  
“Shoot.”

  
“Clarke would like to go outside. … Nowhere special, just outside and I need Bell and Nyko to keep us company.”

  
“Okay.”

  
“Just okay?”

  
“Yes. Why? What did you think I would say?”

  
Lexa sat down on the couch.  
“I don’t know? Something like staying inside being safer and that we can’t spare the manpower.”

  
“Kid, I really think that you should go outside. First I want to prevent you from getting claustrophobic and then we should check if lover boy turns up somewhere which would actually be an improvement.”  
Anya chuckled.  
“But if you want me to tell you to stay inside so you can have Clarke all to yourself …”

  
Lexa practically saw Anya’s grin and she glared at the phone.  
“What the hell are you suggesting?”

  
“I am not suggesting anything, Lex. I am stating the obvious. You have a thing for the girl.”

  
Lexa turned to see if Clarke was within earshot.  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  
It was a weak answer and she knew it. Anya did, too, and was flat out laughing at her now.  
“Whatever you want to tell yourself, kid.” She tried to regain some of her composure. “But for whatever it’s worth: I approve. She is cute and from what I hear about her she’s a good pick.”

  
Lexa smiled. She couldn’t help it. The smile just appeared on her face and she couldn’t stop it. Just like she couldn’t stop the answer that was forming on her lips.  
“Thank you.”

 

\--

 

The sun was burning down on her, but Clarke loved it. They had been strolling around Central Park for about an hour now and if it hadn’t been for Bell and Nyko who were keeping there distance, but were most definitely present, it could actually have been a date. Even Lexa seemed relaxed. She smiled and talked about everyday things like how she had been in Central Park so early one day that the ducks on the lake had still been asleep. She even had a photo to prove it.

Clarke smiled at her and when they walked by an ice-cream vendor she stopped and bought two cones. One of them was currently melting in her hand while she listened to Lexa talk. And what a nice voice she had.

Lexa felt herself relax and instantly reprimanded herself for it. She wasn’t supposed to relax. She was supposed to keep Clarke safe, but she felt the presence of Bell and Nyko and she knew she could trust them to do their job so she just licked at the ice-cream and blinked at the sun. At some point she had handed her Ray-Bans to Clarke who obviously had a harder time adjusting her eyes to the sun. She also looked good with her sunglasses, but that was just a side note.

The ice-cream was delicious and Lexa laughed at Clarke’s inability to eat it like a grownup. She had fun. Lexa didn’t know when it had been the last time that she had fun like that. She had so much fun that she didn’t even notice Bellamy taking pictures of her and Clarke and sending them to Anya and his sister.

Nyko grinned at Bellamy, but kept his professional distance. His eyes scanned the area. It was crowded, but he knew what to look for. Stalkers often did not fit in with the surroundings. In this case there were happy couples, families and tourists, but no joggers. It was lunch time and way too hot for a jog, so when Nyko saw the man who was slowly jogging towards Lexa and Clarke he signaled Bellamy. He had seen him to.

Both men were fast. They reached the jogger before he arrived and stopped him with a few calculated moves. Two seconds later he was flat on his back gasping for air.  
Bellamy stared at him.  
“What do you think you’re doing?”

  
“What the hell, man?!”  
The jogger tried to get up, but Nyko had him pinned down.  
“Leave me alone! I was only going to deliver something.”

  
“What?”

  
“It’s for the blonde girl.”

  
Bellamy looked at Clarke who was staring at them. Lexa was next to her, fully focused on her surroundings now. Her ice-cream cone was on the ground next to her.  
“What did you want to deliver?”

  
Bell nodded at Nyko who let the man sit up. He held out an envelope and Bell took it. He looked inside and read the note before he held it out to Lexa.  
“Clarke, why do you make it so hard for me? I will be with you shortly. I love you.”

  
Lexa resisted the urge to crumple the note. She looked around and then at the jogger.  
“Who gave this to you?”

  
“A man.”

  
“When?”

  
“Two minutes ago. At the ice-cream vendor.”

  
Lexa ran before anyone could stop her, but not without shouting commands.  
“Nyko, get Clarke home! Bell, check the surroundings!”

  
“Lexa!”  
She heard Clarke yell her name, but she ran anyway. If there was a chance Finn was still somewhere around she would find him. She would find him and rip his head off.

 

\--

 

She searched for him for about an hour, but he was already gone. Bellamy called her to make sure she was okay and tell her that Clarke was safe. Lexa sat down on a bench at the lake and stared at the water. They had to find Finn, bring the fight to him. She hated to be that one that had to react. She took her phone and called Monty.

  
“Lexa! I heard that you’re back!”

  
“Hey tech wiz! How are you?

  
”Busy.”

  
“Busy finding Finn Collins, I hope?”

  
“Yep. But the man is hard to find.”

  
“Hard or impossible?”

  
She heard him chuckle.  
“Nothing is impossible for me, Ms. Woods. It just takes a little longer.”

  
“Would it help you if I told you that he has been spotted in Central Park about an hour ago?”

  
“Can you pinpoint his location a little more precisely than the whole of Central Park?”

  
Lexa smiled.  
“Close to the Loeb Boathouse, probably leaving to the Upper East Side.”

  
“That’s better.”

  
“Can you do something with this information?”

  
“Sure can, but there are a gazillion traffic and other cameras I’ll have to check now. It’ll take some time, but when I find him he won’t be ably to hide anymore.”

  
“That sounds great.”

  
“I’ll call you as soon as I have something.”

  
“Thanks, Monty.”  
Lexa hung up and suddenly realized that she was still a little out of breath. She looked down on herself and saw blood oozing through her shirt. When she lifted it she saw that two of the stitches were torn. She cursed which made a young mother look at her angrily. Lexa tried to smile, but groaned instead. She got up slowly and made her way back home.

 

\--

 

“Lexa!”

  
Clarke was at her side in a heartbeat and helped her to the couch. She was in doctor mode as soon as she saw what had happened. Nyko was looking at Lexa.  
“Do you want me to get you to the hospital?”

  
“No.”  
He nodded and went outside. He was sure he didn’t want to get in the middle of the argument that was about to follow.

  
“No?”  
Clarke stared at Lexa.

  
“I’ve been outside enough for today.”

  
“Lexa, you are bleeding.”

  
“I am aware of that.”

  
“You are bleeding, because you ran away like a maniac.”

  
“I didn’t run away, but toward something.”

  
Clarke glared at her.  
“I don’t care! You still have a whole in your body and you are not supposed to run.”

  
“I understand.”  
“You clearly don’t.” She got up and took her phone.

  
“Mom? Listen, Lexa tore two of her stitches. Yes, I told her that we should go to the hospital, but she is stubborn and doesn’t want to. Yes, okay.”  
Clarke held out the phone to Lexa.  
“My mum wants to talk to you.”

  
Lexa sighed, but took the phone.  
“Hi Doctor Griffin. Yes, I know. I am aware of that. I tore my stitches following Finn Collins. In Central Park. I can explain that later. I understand, but I would rather stay here with Clarke. That would be great. See you later.”

  
She hung up and put the phone on the coffee table.  
“You’re mum’s coming over.”

  
Clarke stared at her.  
“My mum is coming here?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“She is doing a house call?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“You gotta be kidding me!”

  
“I am not.”

  
Clarke stood in the middle of the room and stared at Lexa who was clearly in pain. She turned around and went to the bedroom. When she came back she held out a pill and a glass of water.

  
“Take this.”

  
Lexa looked at the pill.  
“What is it?”

  
“Something for the pain.”  
She saw the look on Lexa’s face and laughed.  
“Don’t worry, I won’t drug you. It’s just something for the pain.”

  
Lexa nodded and swallowed the pill.  
Clark went away again and came back with bandages.  
“Let me look at this. There is no need for you to bleed all over the couch until my mother arrives.”  
She helped Lexa out of her shirt and tried to stop the bleeding as good as possible.  
“You could have died, you know.”

  
Lexa looked up to face her. Where did that come from?  
“Your body could have gone into shock. Or Finn could have been there. He could have had a gun …”

  
“Clarke?”  
“I am not ready to lose you, Lexa.”

  
“Clarke.” Lexa put two fingers under Clarke’s chin and lifted the woman’s head so she had to look at her. “I am not leaving you.”

  
Clarke’s eyes were full of tears and Lexa had no idea how to react to that so she did the only thing that came to her mind. She kissed her.  
It was a soft kiss, a tentative kiss, a wet kiss, because Clarke’s tears mixed with it and made it taste salty. Lexa’s lips on Clarke’s felt right. It felt like coming home and also like something new entirely. She felt Clarke shake or maybe it was her who was shaking. She didn’t know. She just knew that this felt right and like something she had been missing her whole life. Something she would never let go again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, by popular demand here is the next chapter. Tell me what you think of it.  
> I promise the next chapter will have lots of action. I have it in my head. I just need to write it down, but right now it's way past midnight where I live and I have to get some sleep.  
> Have fun and drop me comments, will you?

„Come on, Monty, tell me something.“

  
Monty looked up and glared at Bellamy.  
“There is nothing I can tell you yet. Lexa only called a few hours ago. I could have started this earlier if you had called me right away, you know …”

  
Bellamy raised his eyebrows and Monty looked at the computer screen again.  
“Listen, I get it. I need to find this guy and I will. But it doesn’t help anyone if you keep breathing down my neck.”  
Bell sighed. He knew Monty was right, but it was frustrating to wait.

Anya was already waiting when he entered her office a few minutes later.  
“Bring me up to speed.”

  
“We walked around Central Park. It was a spontaneous decision so Finn must have been close by. He also must have planned to contact Clarke, because the text on the card was printed. He paid a man to deliver it.”

  
Anya stood by the window and looked outside.  
“What else?”

  
“Nyko saw him first. We tackled him, questioned him and the second he told us where he met Finn Lexa was on it.”

  
She turned to face him.  
“She ran after him without a gun or backup?”

  
“She told Nyko to take care of Clarke and me to check the immediate surroundings. It was a sensible decision to split up.”

  
“You really think so?”

  
“Yes.”

  
She nodded.  
“Okay.”

  
Bell walked over to her and took in the view over the city. It was breathtaking.  
“What is the deal with Lexa though?”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“Well, I hate being on the defence like the next guy, but Lexa … she just can’t stand it. For someone who is in this business it is an odd trait.”

  
Anya sighed.  
“Lexa doesn’t like to feel helpless.”

  
“Yeah, I figured as much.”

  
Anya looked at Bell. He was a good guy. She trusted him. Hell, she trusted him with her sister’s life. She decided to tell him.  
“When Lexa was ten someone broke into our house. Our parents were out and I should have been there to watch her.”

  
“But you weren’t?”

  
“I was sixteen. I had better things to do than watch my kid sister on a Saturday night. At least that’s what I thought at the time.”

  
Bell looked at her.  
“What happened?”

  
“I had a feeling. I can’t explain it. I somehow knew that I had to go home, so I did. When I arrived the back door was open.”  
She sighed again trying to get rid of the memories that were flashing before her eyes.  
“Lexa was on the kitchen floor and the man … he had a knife to her throat.”

  
“What did you do?”

  
“I took an even bigger knife and killed him.”

  
Bell stared at her.  
“You killed him?”

  
Anya looked at him.  
“Don’t tell me you wouldn’t gut anyone who tries to lay a hand on your sister.”

  
“You have a point there.”

  
Anya looked back outside. “He had been in the kitchen with Lexa for ten minutes or so threatening to kill her. I don’t think he actually intended to steal anything and he wasn't about to rape her. I think he just got a kick out of threatening a ten year old girl and seeing her freak out. Lexa has never been the same since then. She shut people out, wouldn’t talk about it. She learned how to defend herself. She is as tough as they come. … Costia was the only one who could get her out of her shell and make her smile. And after Costia’s death I … I was sure she would kill herself.”  
She turned around. “But now there’s Clarke …”

  
Bell nodded. “Now there is Clarke.”

 

\--

 

“It looks worse than it is. I will patch you up, but after that I expect you to rest.”

  
“Okay, Doc.”

  
Abby looked at her.  
“I’ve heard people lie way more convincing than you.”

  
Lexa smiled.  
“I am sorry. I promise I will try, but if there is a chance I can get to Finn I will take it.”

  
Abby nodded.  
“Fair enough.”

  
Clarke came back from the bathroom and looked at her mother and her … whatever Lexa was. They hadn’t talked about the kiss yet. Between the actual kissing and her mother arriving … there had simply been no time.  
“So?”

  
Abby looked at her.  
“She’ll be fine. Can you get me more light? I will redo the two stitches.”

  
She took a syringe and injected a local anaesthetic. Clarke switched on the lamp next to the couch and Abby looked at her.  
“It’s going to take some time until the anaesthetic kicks in. Would you leave us alone for a minute, Clarke? Lexa and I have something to talk about.”

  
Clarke frowned. She didn’t like to be sent outside like a child. She looked at Lexa who just shrugged.

  
“Mum ...”

  
“Clarke, please.”

  
Clarke sighed.  
“Okay.”

After Clarke had left Abby focused her attention on Lexa who was a little uncomfortable. She was lying on the couch in her jeans and a sports bra waiting to have the hole in her stomach sewn shut for the second time while her … Clarke’s mother wanted to talk in private. Nothing was comfortable about that.

  
“How dangerous is the situation?”

  
Abby looked at her and Lexa knew she couldn’t lie to her. She knew Abby would know if she lied so she didn’t.  
“I don’t know. I haven’t met Finn yet, but the fact that he is hiding and paying people to deliver creepy messages is not a good sign. If you want my professional opinion I’d say it’s as dangerous as it can get.”

  
Abby nodded.  
“Thank you.”

  
“For what?”

  
“For telling me the truth.”

  
“I have no reason to lie to you. I know you’re scared for Clarke’s life.”

  
“I know that you are too.”

  
“I am.”

  
Abby looked at her.  
“Are you in love with my daughter? I am sorry if this is a blunt question, but I was wondering.”

  
Lexa didn’t have to think about her answer this time.  
“Yes, I am.”

  
Abby smiled.  
“Good.”

  
“Good?”

  
“Yes. You two are good together.”

  
She tested the skin around the stitches.  
“Do you feel this?”

  
“No.”

  
“Okay, then I can start now.”

  
She took the needle, but kept on talking.  
“When Clarke’s father died … it broke her. Sometimes I think it broke her more than it broke me.”  
She looked up to see Lexa’s reaction only to see her watch her with curiosity.  
“He died in a car crash when she was seventeen. Clarke has always been her father’s little girl and she missed him like crazy. She still does.”  
She started to work on the first stitch.  
“She never cried. She just shut down and wouldn’t talk about it. I think the two of you are pretty similar when it comes to dealing with loss.”

  
“How do you know how I deal with loss?”  
Abby smiled at her.  
“You talked to Bellamy?”

  
“Don’t be mad at him. I asked him about you. After all my daughter is basically living with you.”

  
Lexa nodded.  
“Okay. I guess, you have a point”

  
“Lexa, the thing is this: Clarke is bright and sunny on the outside, but after Jake’s death there has been a void that just couldn’t be filled. I tried, her friends tried, hell, even Finn tried, but nothing would make her face light up like it does when she looks at you. I have no idea how this happened so quickly, but I guess I just wanted to make sure that you know that and that you feel the same thing about her.”  
She put down the needle and bandaged the wound.  
“Okay, all set.”

  
Lexa didn’t really know what to say. It was clear that Abby cared about Clarke. It was also clear that she didn’t seem to mind that Lexa had feelings for her daughter. She wasn’t used to that sort of motherly acceptance. She sat up and carefully put her shirt back on while Abby put away her equipment.

  
“Abby …”

  
“Yes?”  
Abby looked up.

  
“I don’t … I don’t know how to say this, but thank you …”

  
“For what?”

  
“For telling me. And for trusting me with your daughter.”

  
Abby smiled.  
“I’ve seen you with her. And more importantly I’ve seen the way she is around you. There is nothing you have to thank me for.”

  
Lexa looked at her.  
“Given the fact that you talked to Bell I guess you know that I had a pretty tough year.”

  
Abby nodded and Lexa kept going.  
“I was in a bad place and I am still not completely over that, but I swear to you that I will do anything for Clarke.”

  
Abby smiled.  
“I know. I know that you will.”

 

\--

 

“Bellamy, tell me I’m the man!”

  
Monty grinned so much that Bell was afraid he might pull a muscle.  
“You’re the man?”

  
“Yeah, I am!”

  
“Okay? Why?”

  
“I found him.”

  
Now Bellamy was all ears.

  
“You found Finn? Where?”

  
“East 87th St and Lexington.”

  
“What’s at this location?”

  
Monty tipped something on his computer and shrugged.  
“Starbucks.”

  
Bellamy was already half way through the door.  
“Keep your eyes on the traffic cams and tell me if he moves!”

  
Monty focused on his computer screen again.  
“Sure, boss, everything you say.”

 

\--

 

“Mum, I want to go back to work.”  
Clarke put down the glass she had been holding and looked at her mother.  
“I can’t stay inside until they find him. I can’t let the fear of him getting to me run my life.”

  
“Clarke, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. You have to be patient for a while longer.”

  
“But I don’t want to. I don’t want to be the one who is afraid anymore. I don’t want to feel like the victim any longer.”

  
Abby put her hands on Clarke’s shoulders and looked at her.  
“Honey, I know that you are frustrated right now, but this isn’t the way to deal with this. You can choose not to be afraid anymore and you can choose not to feel like a victim, but you cannot disregard your safety.”

  
Clarke frowned. She hated this. She hated everything about it … well, maybe not everything. She sighed and nodded.  
“I know. I know. You’re right.”

  
“She’s right about what?”  
Lexa entered the room and looked at them.

  
“Did I miss something?”  
“I told my mother that I want to go back to work.”

  
Lexa froze in place.  
“Clarke …”

  
“I know. It’s not safe.”

  
“No, it’s not.”

  
“Okay. I get it. I will stay here until … whenever.”  
Clarke sat down on the couch and pouted which made Abby laugh.

  
“Clarke, you look like a four-year-old who was just told she couldn’t have chocolate.”

  
Lexa laughed, too.  
“It’s cute though.”

  
Clarke glared at them.  
“Great. Now my mother and my girlfriend are teaming up on me.”  
She froze the second the sentence had left her lips.

Lexa just looked at her for the longest moment before she smiled.  
“So that’s what I am then? Your girlfriend?”

  
“If you don’t mind?”

  
Lexa grinned at her.  
“No, Clarke, I don’t mind.”

  
Abby just shook her head.  
“I don’t think anyone can be more complicated than the two of you.”  
She looked at Lexa.  
“What are you waiting for? Go, kiss her. I’ll leave you alone.”

  
Lexa was on her way over to the couch when she heard her phone ring. She took it out of her jeans pocket and looked at the display.  
“It’s Anya.”

  
In this second Abby’s phone started to ring as well. She raised an eyebrow. Both women answered their phones at the same time and when they hung up the mood had changed completely.

  
Clarke looked from Lexa to Abby and back to Lexa.  
“What is it? What is wrong?”

  
Lexa stayed silent for a second before she looked up to face Clarke.  
“It’s Bellamy.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After voting in the Zimbio poll and trending things on Twitter I finished this little chapter. Have fun with it and tell me if you like it.  
> As always,
> 
> Your friendly neighbourhood writer

“We have to go.”

  
“Clarke, I don’t know …”

  
Clarke stopped pacing right in front of Lexa and stared at her.  
“If you think that I’ll stay here while one of my best friends is fighting for his life, because my ex-boyfriend shot him, you don’t know me very well.”

  
Lexa sighed.  
“Okay. I get it. But we can’t just go storming out of here.”  
She cupped Clarke’s cheek.  
“Let me do my thing, okay?”

  
Clarke took a deep breath.  
“Okay.”

  
“Okay.”  
Lexa gave her a kiss and turned around.  
“Abby, where is your car?”

  
“It’s right in front of the building.”

  
“Okay, Nyko is still outside. He will drive and we will use the emergency entrance. I don’t want either of you out in the open for too long. Give me a second.”  
Lexa left and when she came back she wore a shoulder holster with a gun.

  
Abby looked at her.  
“I take it you have a permit for that?”

  
“I do.” She grabbed a black leather jacket and put it on, before she opened the door. Nyko was already waiting.  
“You heard?”

  
“Anya called.”

  
“Okay. We’re taking Abby’s car. You’ll drive.”  
He just nodded.

 

\--

 

They reached the car without problems and Nyko managed to get them to the hospital in record time. Abby was allowed to park her car at the emergency entrance so they didn’t waste any time searching for a parking spot. Abby went to look for Bellamy right away, but when Clarke wanted to follow her, Lexa held her back.  
“Clarke, there is nothing you can do now.”

  
“I am a doctor.”

  
“Yes, but so is your mother and you are way too involved in this. Look at your hands. They are shaking.”

  
Clarke looked at her hands and realized that Lexa was right. In fact her whole body was shaking. Lexa led her to the waiting area.  
“You should call Octavia.”

  
“Fuck! Yes!”  
Clarke took out her phone, but the second she dialed she saw Octavia running towards her.

  
“Where is he? Is he alright?”

  
Clark put her arms around her.  
“I don’t know. We just got here. My mum’s with him.”  
She let go of her and felt the tears running down her cheeks.  
“I am so sorry, O! I am so sorry!”

  
Octavia stared at her.  
“Don’t you dare take the blame for Finn, Clarke! This is not your fault. You didn’t have any part in this!”  
She looked at Lexa.  
“Are you okay?”

  
Lexa didn’t know exactly what it was she was asking.  
“Yes?”

  
“Bell called Lincoln earlier and told him you were bleeding.”

  
“I am fine. I just ripped a few stitches.”

  
“Good, because I need you to kill this son of a bitch if he shows his face. Is that clear?”

  
Lexa looked at her.  
“Crystal clear.”  
She leaned her back to the wall and made sure she could see the entrance from where she was. Nyko stood just a few feet away from her.

  
“Where is Lincoln?”  
Clarke grabbed Octavia’s hand and pulled her down on one of the chairs.  
“He was with his folks. I called him and he is on his way back now. I also called Raven. She should be here any minute.”

  
Octavia looked tense and that wasn’t something Clarke was used to. She always seemed tough, but this was her brother, her only family. She took Octavia’s hand and held it in hers.  
“He is going to be fine, O. He is way too stubborn to die.”

  
Octavia smiled the tiniest bit.  
“Yes, he probably is.”

Raven arrived about ten minutes later. She sat down next to Clarke and Octavia and they waited in silence. Another fifteen minutes later Anya walked through the door and Lexa was almost a little irritated at how relieved she was to see her sister. Anya looked concerned, but also determined.  
“Anya, what the hell happened?”

  
Anya looked at her sister.  
“Finn wasn’t at the location Monty gave Bell, but he found his phone. Finn somehow knew we were onto him. Bellamy decided to drive by Finn’s place, but it seems like Finn was waiting for him. He shot him as soon as he got out of the car.”

  
“But how …?”

  
“Your guess is as good as mine.”  
Anya sighed.  
“Any news on his status?”

  
“Not yet.”

  
“He will make it. He’s strong.”

  
Lexa said nothing. If Finn had waited for Bellamy he had planned the whole thing which made him a lot smarter than she thought. Either that or he was just about the luckiest guy in the world. But how could he have predicted that Bell would find him and why would he care to wait for him?  
She rubbed her eyes. She was tired. I had been a long day.

  
“You look like you could use some sleep or at least caffeine.”  
Anya looked at her.

  
“You’re probably right.”

  
“We could go to the cafeteria. Nyko can take care of the girls for a minute.”

  
Lexa looked up. “I don’t know, An …”

  
“Lexa, Nyko is a professional. Clarke will be fine.”

  
Lexa hesitated for a second before she nodded. She pushed herself away from the wall and went over to Clarke.  
“Hey. How are you doing?”

  
“I don’t know.”

  
Lexa knelt down next to her.  
“He will be fine, Clarke.”

  
“How do you know that?”

  
“I just do.”  
She smiled. Her hand rested on Clarke’s.  
“Listen, Anya and I are going to get some coffee. Is that okay with you? Nyko will stay here.”

  
Clarke kissed her lightly on the lips and smiled just a little.  
“I’ll be fine. Just bring me a cup, okay?”

  
Lexa’s hand cupped her cheek.  
“Of course.”

 

\--

 

Lexa had been gone for about two minutes when Abby finally came through the doors of the emergency unit. She looked at the people waiting for her and smiled at them.  
“You can relax now. He’ll be fine.”

  
Octavia felt tears of relief on her cheeks. She just couldn’t help it and Raven put her arms around her friend.  
“He’s fine. You hear that? That stupid brother of yours is fine!”

  
Clarke got up to embrace her mother.  
“Thank you.”

  
“There’s nothing you would have to thank me for, honey. He will be unconscious for a while, but you guys can see him now if you want to.”  
She looked at Clarke.  
“Where is Lexa?”

  
“Anya made her go and have some coffee. She’ll be right back.”

  
“Okay. Well, come on then.”

  
Clarke looked over at Nyko who smiled at her.  
“I’ll stay here and make sure no one gets through that door.”

 

\--

 

“We have to find him, Anya.”

  
“I know.”

  
“Do you?”

  
Anya looked at her.  
“Are you questioning my loyalties?”

  
Lexa shook her head.  
“No, of course not. It’s just …”  
She sighed.  
“I can’t lose Clarke.”

  
“I know.”

  
They sat in silence for a while.

  
“I was worried about you, you know?”

  
Lexa looked up.  
“I know. I am sorry.”

  
“Don’t be sorry. Tell me that you won’t leave like that again. Tell me that you won’t shut me out. Because you know what? I can’t deal with that.”  
There were tears in Anya’s eyes and Lexa stared at her in bewilderment. Anya didn’t cry. She never cried.

  
“Anya, I …”

  
“You don’t have to say anything. I … I just feel like if I had been there … if I had been there when the man broke into our house you wouldn’t be so … withdrawn all the time.”

  
“Anya, you can’t blame yourself for that. You were sixteen!”

  
“Yes, but you are my sister. My responsibility.”

  
Lexa reached for Anya’s hand.  
“Anya, please. Don’t you ever think you are responsible for … for me being the way I am. You are not. If anything, you saved me. That night and last year all over again.”  
She looked at her.  
“I love you. You know that right?”

  
Anya wiped away a few tears.  
“I love you too, kid.”

 

\--

 

“He is so pale.”

  
“That’s because he lost a lot of blood.”

  
“The bullet hit nothing vital and the ambulance was there fast. He was lucky.”  
Abby smiled at Octavia.  
“Don’t worry, he’ll be okay.”

  
“I’ll leave you with him for a while. I have to check on some patients.”  
She looked at Clarke.  
“Will you be okay?”

  
Clarke nodded.  
“Sure mum.”

  
Octavia was right. Bellamy was pale, but Clarke was a doctor and she knew how to read his vital signs. His heartbeat and his breathing were steady. He would make it.

  
Raven stood next to the bed and stared at him.  
“You idiot. Why do you always try to be the hero? You could have been dead.”

  
“I doubt he hears you, Raven.”  
Octavia grinned at her.

  
“Oh, don’t worry. He will hear me say this more than once.”

  
Clarke felt relieved. She didn’t know what she had done had Bellamy died. She looked at her friends and smiled.  
Behind her the door opened and closed again. She saw Raven look up and freeze. Clarke raised her eyebrow and when Raven didn’t react she turned around.

  
“Hello, Clarke.”

 

\--

 

Lexa’s phone buzzed and she answered.  
“Hey Monty, what’s up?”

  
“Lex, I know how Finn found out about Bellamy following him.”

  
“You did?”

  
“He bugged him.”

  
“He what?”

  
“He bugged him. I heard this weird echoing noise when I talked to him on his phone earlier and I tried to isolate the sound.”

  
“You recorded the call?”

  
“I record every call that reaches our company’s phones.”

  
“Okay?”

  
“Anyway, I isolated the sound, but I didn’t know what it was so I drove to Finn’s place to have a look at Bell’s car and I found a bug. I went back to the lab and scanned his last few calls for the sound. It seems like Finn put it there when you guys hung out for pizza at your place. Bell had called Anya earlier and there is no sound, but in the next call there is.”

  
It took Lexa a second to process this.  
“So that’s how he knew we’d be in the park?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“And that’s how he knew Bell was coming for him.”

  
“Yes.”

  
“But why would he bug Bellamy?”

 

\--

 

“It’s been a while. You look gorgeous.”  
Finn smiled at Clarke and it made her feel sick.  
He had a gun. How did he get past security?  
“Finn, please, you don’t have to do this.”

  
“Do what?”  
He still smiled. He looked … crazy.

  
“The gun. You don’t have to point the gun at us.”

  
Clarke felt Octavia move behind her while Raven stood as still as a statue.

  
“I am sorry, Clarke, but right now I do.”  
He looked at Bellamy.  
“You left me no choice, you know? I had to take out your boyfriend so we could talk. So you would see that I am the one that you want.”

  
Clarke looked at him in confusion.  
“My boyfriend?”

  
He nodded.  
“Bellamy. You left me for him. But you were wrong, Clarke. You love me. You will see that.”

  
Clarke shook her head.  
“Bellamy is not my boyfriend and I didn’t leave you for anyone. It was over, Finn. It’s as simple as that.”  
She was amazed how steady her voice sounded. She really hoped that O and Raven wouldn’t do anything stupid. She put her hand into the pocket of her jacket and prayed that she found the right button for speed dialing Lexa.  
“Finn, please, let us talk about this.”

  
He tilted his head a little.  
“Oh, we will talk, but I have to make sure that you understand the situation first.”  
He held out his other hand and revealed a switch. It was small and black and something on it was blinking.

 

\--

 

Lexa’s phone buzzed again. She looked at the caller ID. It was Clarke. She took the call, but before she could say anything she heard Clarke’s voice.  
“Finn, please, let us talk about this.”  
Lexa froze. Next she heard the voice of a man.

  
“Oh, we will talk, but I have to make sure that you understand the situation first. I can put down the gun, but I need you to know that this switch is connected to enough explosives to bring down the whole building. If you so much as try to run I will kill everyone inside including us.”

  
Lexa stared at her phone and motioned for Anya to come closer and listen in. What the hell was going on?

  
“Please, Finn, you don’t have to do this. You misinterpreted the whole situation.”

  
Finn laughed. “Do you think I am dumb, Clarke?”

  
“Well, something like this could come to mind.”  
Raven’s voice was quiet, but he heard her.

  
“Reyes, I never really liked you. Let’s just say if I have to shoot people, I’ll probably start with you. Why don’t you and Octavia sit down over there so Clarke and I can talk?”

  
Lexa muted the phone and looked at Anya. Her mind was racing. He had a gun and he was threatening Clarke. She felt her body shake. Anya felt it too. She put a hand on Lexa’s shoulder and looked at her.  
“Try to stay calm. We need to stay calm now, Lex.”

  
“Anya …”

  
“I know, kid.”

  
Anya took her phone.

  
“Who are you calling?”

  
“Monty.”

  
“What about the police?”

  
“Lexa, if we call the police all hell will break loose.”

  
Lexa nodded. She tried to focus. Clarke needed her to focus. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. She looked at Anya.  
“Get everyone we can spare. We have to find whatever bomb he might have hidden. I'll call Lincoln. In the army he was the go-to guy for explosives. I will try to find Nyko and assess the situation upstairs. We also have to find Abby. No one can enter that room. Did you bring your gun?”

  
Anya nodded.

  
“We need to find a way to get into that room.”

  
“Or we need to find a way to get them out of it. In any case … this ends today.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first: I just realized that this is chapter "Thirteen" and I therefore want to note that no Commander is going to get killed.  
> And now: Please, have fun and drop me a note when you're done reading.
> 
> Also: Hero Lincoln is something that I have been missing for a long time.

“Lincoln? Where are you?”

  
“Hospital entrance. Why? What is wrong?”  
He instantly sounded alarmed, but Lexa didn’t have time to explain.  
“Get upstairs. Now.”

  
“What …”

  
She cut him off.  
“Just get here.”

  
“Okay.”

  
Lexa went as fast as she could without running. Nyko realized something was wrong the second he saw her. He pushed himself off the wall and met her halfway through the corridor. From the corner of her eyes she saw Lincoln running towards her.  
“What is wrong?”

  
Both of them stared at Lexa.

  
“He was already inside.”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“Finn is in Bellamy’s room. He has a gun.”

  
Nyko’s eyes widened.  
“The girls are in there, too.”

  
“I know.”

  
She watched Lincoln go pale. She knew exactly how he felt.

  
“How …?”

  
“Clarke called me. The call is still active, but I muted it so he won’t hear us.”  
She looked at Lincoln. “There is more: Finn placed a bomb somewhere in this building and he has the switch.”

  
He looked about ready for murder by now and Lexa hoped he would be able to focus. She needed him.

  
“Are they okay?”

  
“More or less.”

  
Nyko looked at Lexa.  
“So what’s the plan?”

  
She took a deep breath.  
“When Monty gets here he has to find out where Finn placed the bomb. He told me that he developed some … algorithm program thingy to trace him when he couldn’t find him in the traffic cam feeds. I hope he can use it here as well. Lincoln, when he finds the bomb I need you to get to it and defuse it. You’re the best chance we’ve got.”

  
“What about the cops?”

  
“They would call the cavalry.”

  
“Which would cause Finn to freak out.”

  
“Probably.”

  
He nodded.  
“Okay, but how do I find this Monty?”

  
“That’s where my sister comes in. She’s in the cafeteria rallying the troops. Go and meet her. She’ll brief you.”

  
Lincoln looked at her for a long second.  
“You will get them out safely.”

  
It wasn’t a question and her gaze didn’t waver.  
“I will.”

  
He nodded and left.

  
Nyko did the math in his head.  
“We’ll have to talk to the security guys in the control room.”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Okay. How about I’ll try to talk to them and see if we handle this quietly?”

  
Lexa nodded.  
“I guess a big former FBI guy will have more leverage than I have, so go. But if they don’t play along …”

  
“I’ll knock them out.”

  
She smiled.  
“Quick on your feet, that’s why I like you so much. I will go in and talk to Abby.”

  
He looked at her.  
“Lexa?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“Don’t do anything stupidly heroic, okay?”

 

\--

 

“Finn, please, put the gun down.”  
Clarke looked at him.  
“There is no reason for threatening us.”

  
Finn looked at her.  
“Clarke, you have been evading me for months. Do you think I don’t know that you’ll run as soon as you have the chance? I just want to talk to you.”

  
She rubbed her temples. Strangely enough she didn’t feel scared right now. She felt angry. She had been running from this guy and now that she saw him she would have loved to hit him. But he had a gun. And Clarke wasn’t suicidal.  
“At least let Raven and Octavia go. They have nothing to do with this.”

  
“If you think we’re leaving you, you’re stupid.”  
Octavia stared at her from where she sat and Clarke didn’t know if she should scold her or smile at her. She opted for an eye roll instead.

  
“See? They are quite happy here.”  
Finn fucking smiled at her.  
“Why don’t you sit down over there, Clarke?”  
He pointed at the floor in front of him.

  
“I don’t want to sit down.”

  
“What if I reduce Bellamy’s pain medication instead? I could rip out his IV …”

  
“Okay, okay. I’ll sit down.”  
He clearly was out of his mind. She sat down and stared up at him.  
“Okay, so here I am, sitting. Now what do you want?”

  
Finn looked at her like he was searching for something and when he didn’t find it he almost looked sad.  
“How could you leave me for him, Clarke?”

  
“I didn’t leave you for him. I left you, because we didn’t work out.”

  
He stared at her like she just made a bad joke.  
“Of course we did. What are you talking about?”

  
“You were always working. I was always working. And someday I just realized that we do not have anything in common. The butterflies were gone and where there should have been love there was … nothing.”  
She was as honest as she could, but he just shook his head.

  
“You’re wrong. There is love.”

  
“Maybe there is on your side, Finn, but there isn’t on mine.”

  
“You’re wrong!”  
His voice was louder now.

  
“Finn, sometimes people fall out of love. It just happens.”

  
He shook his head again.  
“No, it doesn’t. You love me. You’ll see that.”

  
“How? How will I see that? Are you planning to try to rape me again?”  
She could see that the last sentence struck a chord with him.

  
“I didn’t ..:”

  
“Yes, you did. You tried to rape me and that is why I left the country. That is why I tried to get away as far as humanly possible. I am scared of you, Finn. Is that really what you want?”

  
He stared at her. For a moment she thought that she had gotten through. That he heard her, but then shook his head again.  
“You left me, because of him.”  
He pointed at Bellamy.  
“And you’re saying all of that to protect him.”

  
Raven groaned and Clarke looked at her.  
“How delusional are you, man? She’s not with Bellamy.”

  
He growled at Raven.  
“What the hell do you know?”

  
“I know that she is not with Bellamy … because I am.”  
She felt Clarke and Octavia stare at her and shrugged.  
“What?”

  
“You didn’t think that was information you should share?”

 

\--

 

Abby went pale. That couldn’t be. It just couldn’t.  
Lexa placed her hand on Abby’s arm and guided her over to the next chair.  
“Sit down, please. You look like you’re going to faint.”

  
“I am not.”  
Abby sat down anyway.  
“He has a gun?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“And a bomb?”

  
“Yes.”

  
Abby looked at her.  
“You’re right. We can’t go to the police. If Finn sees them … But my patients …”

  
“We have it under control, Abby. We will find the bomb. We’re on it.”

  
“But what about the gun? How do we get the girls out of the room?”

  
“I have an idea about that, but I will need your help.”

  
“Anything.”

 

\--

 

“That’s pretty low-tech.”  
Monty looked at the control room and sighed.  
“Whatever, I will make do.”  
He sat up his equipment, plugged an USB drive into the computer and installed his program. He looked at the two security guards that were lying on the floor, unconscious, tied up and gagged.  
“You’ll probably get in trouble for this, Nyko.”

  
The big man shrugged.  
“I’ve been in trouble for worse things.”  
He gave an earpiece to Lincoln.  
“Take this. It’s easier than using mobiles or walkies.”

  
Lincoln nodded.  
“Where is the rest of your people?”

  
“Anya had them start looking.”

  
Monty stared at the computer screen.  
“Okay, the program is running, but this might take some time. Is there anything we can do to narrow the search down?”

  
Lincoln thought about it and suddenly it hit him.

  
“Can you get construction plans for this building?”

  
“Yes, why?”

  
“Finn’s parents own a demolition company.”

  
”So?”

  
“So, I guess he knows how to collapse a building. You have to find the weak spot to make as much damage as you can with only one bomb.”

  
Monty simply nodded.  
“I guess you’re onto something here.”  
He pulled up the plans and they looked at them.

  
“There!”  
Lincoln pointed at the monitor.  
“That’s where the main gas pipe is.”

  
He looked at Monty.  
“It’s where I would put a bomb if I were out of my mind.”

 

\--

 

“You and my brother?”  
Octavia looked at Raven who just shrugged again.  
“It happened.”

  
“When did it happen?”

  
“A few weeks before he shipped out.”

  
“And you didn’t tell me, because?”

  
“I didn’t tell you, because I thought it might get awkward. Like now …”

  
Clarke just stared at both of them. How did she miss this? Bellamy hugging Raven at the airport. Raven smiling at Bellamy when they were at Lexa’s place. Raven’s scared face when she arrived at the hospital a few hours earlier. How could she have missed this?

  
“You and Bellamy?”  
Finn looked at Raven.

  
“Is that a problem for you, Finn? Is it a problem for you that you shot my boyfriend just because in your loopy mind you thought there was something going on with Clarke?”  
Raven stared at him like she was about to rip his throat out. Clarke hoped she would remain calm.

  
Finn looked at Clarke.  
“But you … you left me for him.”

  
“No, Finn, I didn’t.”

  
“Then why …?”

  
“Jesus, are you deaf? She left you, because she doesn’t love you.”  
Octavia stood up and Finn pointed his gun at her.

  
“What? Are you going to shoot me too? Do you think that Clarke is more likely to love you if you kill all of her friends?”

  
He stared at her.  
“Sit back down!”

  
“No.”

 

\--

 

“Lexa?”

  
“Anya, we’re in here.”

  
Anya entered the room and found her sister and Abby. She handed Lexa an earpiece. Lexa took it and put it into her left ear. It was so small that it almost wasn’t visible. She heard Lincoln talk to Nyko.

  
“They found it?”

  
“Yes. It’s in the basement, close to the gas pipes.”

  
“Do you know if Lincoln thinks he can defuse it?”

  
Anya took a walkie-talkie from her jacket pocket and placed it on the desk.  
“He thinks so.”

  
“Okay, then let’s get part two of my plan rolling.”

  
Anya looked at her.  
“What’s part two?”

  
Lexa smiled at her. She knew Anya wouldn’t like part two.  
“Part two is me going in there.”  
She pointed at the door of Bellamy’s room.

  
Anya shook her head.  
“No. You won’t do that!”

  
“Anya, I have to.”

  
“No, you don’t. The guy is mad.”

  
“Anya, if Clarke was any other client and if I were any other of your employees you would expect me to do anything to save her life.”

  
“But you are not anyone. Let me go in.”

  
“No.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because with a bit of luck he doesn’t know who I am and I can pose as a friend. Harmless and scared just like Clarke.”

  
“And if he does know who you are?”

  
Lexa smiled at her.  
“Then you have my permission to blast in there with as much firepower as you can get.”  
She gave Anya a kiss on the cheek.  
“Tell me as soon as Lincoln is finished.”  
She placed her gun holster and her mobile on the desk in front of her and activated the speaker.

  
“Jesus, are you deaf? She left you, because she doesn’t love you.”

  
“What? Are you going to shoot me too? Do you think that Clarke is more likely to love you if you kill all of her friends?”

  
“Sit back down!”

  
“No.”

  
Lexa looked at Anya.  
“I guess this is my cue.”

 

\--

 

When the door opened Finn flew around and Clarke was afraid he might accidentally shoot whoever was coming in. When she realized it was Lexa her heart stopped.

  
“Clarke, I came as soon as I heard … What the hell? Please, don’t shoot!”  
Lexa’s expression changed from concern to shock to fear in less than two seconds. Clarke didn’t know what to make of it. Maybe she hadn’t gotten her call?  
What Lexa said next confused her even more.  
“Who are you? Why do you have a gun?”

  
Lexa must know that this was Finn. Why …? Then she understood.  
“Lexa, please stay calm. Finn is not going to hurt anyone.”

  
She looked at Finn.  
“Right, Finn?”

  
Finn looked from Lexa to Clarke and back.

  
“Finn, this is my friend Lexa. I have been staying with her the last few days.”

  
He seemed to consider this new information.  
“Get in and close the door.”

  
Lexa did as she was told. She felt Raven and Octavia looking at her and hoped they wouldn’t blow her cover, but one look at them and she knew they got what she was doing.

  
“Please, don’t shoot.”

  
Clarke was impressed at how good of an actress Lexa was. She sounded genuinely afraid.

  
Finn stared at the woman.  
“Sit down.”  
He pointed at the spot next to Clarke. Lexa sat down and observed the man. He seemed jumpy and the fingers of his left hand that held the switch were twitching. She really hoped Lincoln wouldn’t take his time.

 

\--

 

“Can you get to it?”

  
“I hate narrow spaces.”

  
“Lincoln, I really don’t care about your claustrophobia right now. Can you get to it?”

  
“Yes.” Lincoln managed to squeeze his body into the small space under the pipes. He was on his back and took a good look at the bomb. There was an unholy amount of wires. He sighed. He’d have to figure out which were live and which were fake.  
“I need the wire cutter. Can you slide it over?”

  
Nyko nodded and slid it over the concrete with as much accuracy as possible.  
“Can you defuse it?”

  
“I hope so.”

  
“I was hoping for a little more assurance.”

  
Lincoln picked the first wire and followed it to its source. Fake. He cut it and exhaled when nothing happened. He felt the sweat on his forehead. He hated bombs.

 

\--

 

Anya stared at the phone. The boy was mad. So much was clear, but he didn’t seem to know who Lexa was and that fact was a huge relief. Abby had made sure that nobody entered Bellamy’s room. Lexa would make damned sure that nothing happened inside and Lincoln was working on the bomb. She felt useless and hated every second of it.  
She took the walkie-talkie and tried to find out what Lincoln’s status was.

  
“Why are you here?”  
The mobile came to life again.

  
“I was searching for Clarke. I heard about Bellamy … Why are you doing this, Finn?”  
Lexa sounded afraid even if Anya knew she would have loved to rip the boy’s head off.

  
“None of your business.”

  
“You’re pointing a gun at us. It is my business now.”  
Don’t make him angry, Lex.

  
He seemed to hesitate. Maybe he would see reason after all?  
“I am doing this, because Clarke has to understand how much I love her.”

  
“You’re pointing a gun at her to make her see that you love her? You do realize that this might not be the best way …”

  
“Shut up!”

  
Anya shook her head. No, he wouldn’t see reason.

 

\--

 

Clarke looked at Lexa. Why did she come in here? Now she had four people to worry about. She really hoped Lexa had a plan.  
Lexa was so close to her. She had to fight the urge to move over and take her hand. She knew Finn would freak if he so much as suspected her to be in love with Lexa. And she was. She was in love with Lexa. The realization hit her with so much force that she almost cried. She felt one single tear roll down her cheek and she knew Lexa had seen it too. Before she could say anything Lexa looked at her and wiped it away.  
“Don’t cry, Clarke. He won’t hurt you. It’s going to be okay.”

 

\--

 

Four wires were left. Lincoln was soaked with sweat by now. He had to find out which one connected the bomb to the wireless device Finn had.

  
“Blue or red?”

  
Nyko was crouching down next to him.  
“What?”

  
“Blue or red? One of them is connecting this thing to Finn’s switch and one is the wire that will make things go boom.”

  
“You are kidding me, right?”

  
“No. Blue or red?”

  
“Can’t you just cut one of the other wires and defuse the whole thing?”

  
“No. They are connected. If I cut them first this thing will go boom anyway.”

  
Nyko looked at him and sighed.  
“Red.”

  
“Are you sure?”  
“This whole thing is about love, isn’t it? Red is the color of love and passion.”

  
Lincoln nodded.  
“Red it is.”

  
He carefully put the wire cutter around the red wire. His hands were shaking and he tried to steady them. He thought about Octavia and smiled.  
“Hey Nyko?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“If this goes sideways … There is a saying we had in the military.”

  
“What is it?”

  
“May we meet again.”

 

\--

 

Anya stared at her walkie-talkie when she heard Lincoln say those words. She looked at Abby who went as white as a sheet. Anya smiled at her.  
“It’s going to be okay.”

 

\--

 

Lexa had heard the words too. She held her breath and Clarke looked at her with suspicion. Something was going on, but she didn’t know what. Lexa turned her head the slighted bit. Clarke saw the earpiece and gasped.

  
“What is it?”  
Finn stared at her, gun pointed in her direction. Clarke had a feeling that this was her chance. She started to rock back and forth, her breathing becoming more shallow.

  
Lexa stared at her.  
“She’s having a panic attack.”

  
“Stop that.”

  
Clarke was gasping for air now.

  
“She can’t! That’s why it’s called a panic attack.”  
Lexa moved over to her and placed her hand on her back, slowly stroking it.  
“It’s okay, Clarke. Just breathe.”

  
“Get away from her!”  
Finn sounded furious.

  
“She needs to breathe.”  
Lexa stared at him.  
“If you’re not going to help her do that, I will.”

  
She focused on Clarke again.  
“It’s okay. You’re fine. You’re fine. Just breathe.”  
She felt Finn coming closer.

  
“Get away from her.”  
“Finn, she is panicking and you are making things worse.”

  
He came even closer. He was almost close enough. In her earpiece she heard a click and then she heard Lincoln exhale. “I’ve got it. Lexa, you’re hearing me? It’s not live anymore.”  
Finn was almost close enough. Behind her she heard the door opening and Abby’s voice.  
“Finn!”

  
He spun around and Lexa took her chance. She jumped up from the floor and tackled him. They crashed into the wall and Finn let go of the switch which hit the floor … but nothing happened. When he realized this he got mad. He tried to point the gun at her, but Lexa already had her hand on it.  
Abby ran over to Clarke and pulled her up and out of the way, because Finn started his counter attack and made Lexa fall over. She groaned when she hit the floor with him on top of her, the stitches of her bullet wound opening up for a third time. But Lexa wasn’t going to give up like that. She headbutted him and broke his nose in the process. He screamed in pain and Lexa pushed him off of her. Both of them got up again.

  
Clarke gasped when she saw the blood on Lexa’s shirt and her forehead where a large cut had opened up, but there was nothing she could do now.  
Finn was so furious that he seemed to have forgotten about the gun that was still in his hand. He ran at Lexa instead, but this time she was prepared. She made at step to her left and rammed her elbow into his stomach which made him fall to his knees gasping for air. The gun was still in his hand and it was loosely aimed at Raven. Lexa took it from him in one fluid motion that looked very much like martial arts as Raven would state later and then she hit him with it. The metal of the gun left an imprint on his temple and he fell down to the floor.

  
Everyone was frozen for a second. Octavia had her arms around Raven to shield her from an imaginary bullet. Abby stood with her hands raised in anticipation of an attack and Lexa held her breath and waited for Finn to get up again. But nothing happened.

  
Clarke was the first to recover. She ran over to Lexa and crashed into her, hugging her as if her life depended on it. Lexa felt her hands shaking and she carefully placed the gun in the hands of Anya who had appeared a second earlier. Freed of her burden she put her arms around Clarke and held her close.

  
“It’s okay, Clarke. It’s okay now.”  
She felt the tears. Clarke’s and her own.  
“It’s over. It’s okay.”

  
“You could have died.”

  
Lexa laughed a little.  
“We all could have died, Clarke. The important part is that we didn’t.”

  
To her right she saw Lincoln enter the room. He practically sprinted over to Octavia in pulled her into his arms. She kissed him.  
“Are you okay?”

  
“Yes.” She looked at him and brushed a few cobwebs from his t-shirt.  
“Why do you look like you just played with a whole lot of spiders?”

  
He grinned and shook his head at her.  
“I will tell you later.”

  
Lexa gave Clarke a soft kiss.  
“You faked that panic attack, didn’t you?”

  
“I thought it could be useful.”

  
“Good thinking.”  
Lexa smiled at her.

  
“Jeez, get a room already.”  
Bellamy’s eyes were still closed, but he obviously was awake.  
“I am injured and I need to sleep. But you all make so much noise.”

  
Raven stared at him for a second then she closed the distance between them and kissed him right on the mouth.  
He opened his eyes and looked at her.  
“Hey.”

  
“Hey yourself.”

  
“Did I miss anything?”


	14. Chapter 14

“This is going to be the last time I do this. Just so you know.“  
Abby dressed the wound, avoiding to look at Lexa.  
“And if you’re planning on being my daughter’s girlfriend I need you to be more careful. I cannot watch her lose someone again.”  
She carefully wiped away the blood on Lexa’s face. Her hands were shaking a little and Lexa was pretty sure the good doctor was in shock.  
She smiled at her, but stayed silent. Her ribs ached and she had a few more bruises than before, but all in all everything had worked out well. Nobody had died.  
Suddenly Abby stopped what she was doing and planted a kiss on Lexa’s cheek. Lexa didn’t even think it was weird at this point.  
  
The door opened and Clarke entered the room.  
“Are you guys okay?”

  
Abby nodded and wiped away a tear that had fallen without permission.  
“I am sorry. All of this was a bit much.”  
She looked at Lexa.  
“You’re all clear, but please, for the love of all that’s good and holy, rest now. Don’t go running around saving the day. You need time to heal.”

  
Lexa looked at her.  
“I think I’m done with the saving for today.”

  
She got up and quickly realized just how tired she was. Her knees went wobbly. Clarke had seen it, too. She reached for her hand to steady her.  
“Ready to go home?”

  
“If that means my place and especially my bed, then yes.”

  
Clarke smiled.

  
“What about the others?”

  
“Bellamy is asleep. Raven is, too. I couldn’t talk her out of staying. She is asleep in a chair next to his bed. O and Lincoln have gone home and I think, Anya is talking to the police.”

  
“The police.”  
Lexa sighed.  
“I have to give them a statement, I guess.”

  
“Yes, you do, but not today. Anya told me to get you home and as your doctor I told them that you have to rest. You can give your statement tomorrow.”  
She looked at her mother.  
“You will go home, too. I know that your shift isn’t over, but your hands are shaking. You’re no use to anyone like that. Nyko will drive you home and I want you to stay there until you feel better.”

  
Abby was about to argue, but Clarke wouldn’t let her.  
“You will stay away from the hospital, Mum! I will call you tomorrow and if you’re anyway near this place I will personally come and drag you out. Am I making myself clear?”

  
Both Abby and Lexa looked at her in bewilderment and Clarke laughed at them.  
“What? You’ve been taking care of me for the last days. Now it’s my turn.”

 

\--

 

Lexa slept for ten hours straight. She couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. She also couldn’t remember the last time she had slept without nightmares. When she woke she found the space next to her empty. She sighed and rubbed her eyes.  
When she opened the bedroom door she smelled coffee and it made her smile. Clarke was still here. In fact she heard her voice … and another. The voice of a man she didn’t know. Lexa looked at what she was wearing and went back to change. Two minutes later she arrived in the living room wearing jeans and a hoodie.

  
“Hey!”

  
Clarke smiled at her and Lexa gave her a small kiss before she looked at the man on her couch.  
“And you are?”

  
“Detective Miller.”  
He got up and shook her hand.  
“I am sorry to barge in like this, but we really need Ms. Griffin’s statement. And yours of course.”

  
Lexa nodded.  
“Is it okay if I grab some coffee? I feel like I should be awake for this.”

  
“Of course.”  
She went to the kitchen and watched the man closely while he was talking to Clarke. He seemed nice enough, but she knew that the police probably weren’t too happy about how they had handled the situation.  
She went back and sat down next to Clarke.  
“So, Detective Miller, how can I help you?”

  
“Well, first I would like your account of the last few days leading to … the incident at the hospital.”  
Lexa nodded and told her story. She was careful in her choice of words to make sure that there was nothing the man could misinterpret.

  
“So you and Ms. Griffin are … a couple?”

  
“Yes.”  
He nodded and wrote something down in a small black notebook.  
“And you and your sister own Trikru security?”

  
“Yes.”

  
Another entry.  
“Don’t you think you should have called the police at some point?”

  
Lexa took a sip of coffee.  
“No.”

  
He looked up.  
“Just ‘no’?”

  
She nodded.  
“Let’s face it, Detective. Up until Bellamy Blake was shot there was nothing the police could have done and after that everything happened too fast for the police to respond.”

  
“You don’t think you should have called us when Mr. Collins took a whole hospital hostage?”

  
She looked at him.  
“It was a judgment call. Finn Collins was dangerous and no one could have anticipated how he would have reacted to the police. He had a bomb somewhere in the building and he had hostages he held at gunpoint, one of them being our client. Time was a factor.”  
She looked at Clarke and back at the man.  
“We employ people who are trained to deal with situations like this. Do you? Or would you have called special forces? We both know that would have taken time and we also know that it would have made things even more complicated.”

  
The man looked at her.  
“You know that there will be an investigation, right?”

  
She nodded.  
“Yes, I know. And I politely ask you to talk to our company’s lawyers.”  
She looked at him.  
“It is our company you’re interested in, right?”

  
He smiled and got up.  
“It is.”

  
He looked at Clarke who had stayed silent the whole time.  
“I am glad that you are well, Ms. Griffin. I promise you, that we will take care of Mr. Collins. He is likely not going to bother you anymore.”  
He turned and walked to the door.  
“It was nice meeting you.”

  
Lexa looked at him.  
“Likewise.”  
She closed the door behind him.

“Lexa …”  
Clarke’s face was pale, but Lexa just smiled and kissed her again.  
“Don’t worry, Clarke. I knew this was coming. The police don’t like it when we do their job … and better than they would.”  
She laughed.  
“Is there a chance I could get some breakfast?”

  
“How can you be so calm? They are investigating you.”  
Clarke stared at her I disbelief.

  
“There’s nothing I can do about that right now, but my empty stomach is.”

  
“Lexa …”

  
“Clarke, don’t worry. In this business you are likely to butt heads with the police at some point. It comes with the territory. I will call Anya and we will deal with it.”  
She smiled at her.  
“You don’t have to worry. I promise everything’s going to be fine.”

  
Clarke frowned. She hated this. She hated to be the cause of trouble. But if breakfast was the one thing to make this better for Lexa right now, she would make some. She got up.  
“Call Anya, I will make you something to eat.”

  
Lexa sighed.  
“Yes, Ma’am.”

 

\--

 

“Hey kid, how are you?”  
Anya put the phone on speaker and continued to look through the files in front of her.

  
“I’m fine. A little tired, hungry and I just had a visit from a Detective Miller …”  
Anya sighed.

  
“That man is impossible. I specifically told him to leave you alone.”

  
“He wanted my statement.”

  
“I bet he did.”

  
“Are we in trouble?”

  
“Well, Nyko is for knocking out the security guards and Monty probably would be if they knew what he hacked his way into, but I made him delete everything.”

  
Lexa grinned.  
“You sound like a crime lord.”

  
Anya sighed again.  
“At this point I kind of am.”

  
Lexa grinned some more.  
“I guess you called Gustus?”

  
“Yes, he is on it. He doesn’t think that we will have too much of a problem. We were protecting our client and it was a judgment call. He thinks he can argue our way out of this.”

  
“Do you need me to do anything?”

  
“Yes. I need you to relax. I need you to eat some ice cream, watch TV, take a walk. Anything that will help you to heal.”  
Lexa basically heard her grin.  
“Maybe Clarke can help you relax, too.”

  
“Shut up, Anya!”

  
“Make me.”

  
“You’re an asshole!”  
Lexa laughed.

  
“Take the week off, Lex, and after that we will talk shop, okay?”

  
“Sounds good. Have you heard anything from Bell?”

  
“He’s out of the woods and expected to make a full recovery. I sent flowers.”

  
“You did what?”

  
“Well, it was his first week on the job and he already got shot, so I thought it would be nice.”

  
“A bonus and a bottle of that expensive whiskey in your top drawer would have been nice, but flowers?”

  
“Well, I might have sent that, too.”

  
Lexa enjoyed the banter between them. It had been too long since they last talked like that.  
“Listen, Anya, why don’t you come over on Friday? I could make dinner and we could catch up. You could get to know Clarke …”

  
Anya didn’t have to think about it for too long.  
“That sounds nice. I’ll be there.”

 

\--

 

“So, Clarke?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“My sister’s coming to dinner on Friday. Is that alright with you?”

  
Clarke put a plate with sandwiches in front of her.  
“I guess?”

  
“You guess?”

  
Clarke frowned a little.  
“Well, your sister is a little intimidating and I haven’t really met her officially …”

  
Lexa grinned and put her arms around her.  
“I promise she won’t bite. I might though if I don’t get those sandwiches now.”

  
“So, what did Anya say? How bad is it?”

  
Lexa took a bite and took her time with the answer.  
“It’s fine. Nyko is in trouble for punching two guards and we should try not to mention Monty’s special skills, but everything else is under control. Anya put our lawyer on the case and he’s very good at what he does.”  
She took another bite.  
“These taste great.”

  
“They’re just sandwiches, Lexa.”  
Clarke smiled.

  
“Yeah, but you made them.”

  
“Oh no!”

  
“What?”

  
“You’re sappy.”  
Clarke laughed at her.

  
Lexa only shrugged.  
They sat down. Clarke wasn’t hungry so she watched Lexa eat three sandwiches and a whole grapefruit.  
“Wow, you really were hungry, hu?”

  
Lexa nodded.  
Clarke looked at her. Something was on her mind. It had been since the moment she woke up, but she didn’t know how to address it. She decided to just go for it.

  
“Listen, Lex, I … if you want me to go … if you need some time for yourself …”

  
Lexa looked up.  
“What are you talking about?”

  
“I’m talking about me … about us … Everything’s been so crazy. I just barged in on you with all of my problems and you were great about that, but I … I never gave you a chance to say no to all of this. Not really.”

  
Lexa smiled and reached for Clarke’s hand.  
“Don’t be ridiculous. I could have said no at any time. I just didn’t want to.”  
She got up and pulled Clarke into a tight embrace.  
“Just to make this clear … after everything that has happened and with a calm mind I choose to be with you. I want you here. Hell, I don’t even know how to be in this place when you’re not here.”  
She kissed her.  
“I want you here. I want to be your girlfriend, Clarke Griffin. What about you? Do you have second thoughts about this?”

  
Clarke looked at her and shook her head.  
“I want to be your girlfriend, too, Lexa. I really, really do.”  
She leaned in and kissed her. The feeling of Lexa’s lips on hers was still knew and tingly. She closed her eyes and felt Lexa’s tongue tracing her bottom lip. She moaned and she knew that if she gave in now it would lead to sex … and probably to Lexa’s wound opening up for what seemed to be the millionth time. She stepped back a little.

  
“Clarke?”  
Lexa looked at her with concern.

  
“Lexa, I really want to … I really want … you. But I need you to heal first.”  
She laughed.  
“Or do you want to explain to my mum why she has to patch you up again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Sorry for the long wait.  
> Things are cooling down a bit ... at least for the time being.  
> But Clarke and Lexa still haven't said three important words, Abby is in shock, Bell is in the hospital, there is a police investigation and Anya is coming for dinner ... What could possibly go wrong? ;)
> 
> Drop me a comment, okay?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! 
> 
> I am deeply sorry that this took so long. I know, I know ... really, really long.  
> I hope you enjoy what I came up with.  
> Drop me a comment.

“So?”

“So what?”

“Do you think she’ll like it?”

Clarke looked at the dinner table she set up. She was so nervous that Lexa couldn’t help, but laugh.

“Relax, Clarke, it’s only my sister coming over.”

It was Friday and they had spent the last few days in a state one could only call domestic bliss. On Monday Clarke would start to work again. Lexa was determined to talk to her about their living arrangements before that. She didn’t want to pressure her girlfriend, but she clearly wanted her to stay. She felt so grounded and calm right now, she was afraid how she would feel without Clarke around.

“Your sister, who is as intimidating as they come.”

“My sister who once cried for two days straight when she found a dead sparrow on our front lawn.”

“That was probably decades ago.”

“Maybe. But she hasn’t changed that much.”

Lexa took a peek through the oven door. The lasagne looked perfect.  
The doorbell rang and Lexa answered.

“Hey, An! You’re right on time. Dinner is ready.”

She took her sister’s jacket and hung it on the rack.

“May I officially introduce you to Clarke Griffin, doctor extraordinaire and … my girlfriend.”

She blushed a little when she said it, cause the words were still knew to her.  
Anya laughed and held out her hand for Clarke to shake.

“It is a pleasure to formally meet you at last, Clarke. Thank you for saving my little sister and putting up with her … headstrong character.”

Clarke shook her hand and laughed.

“Oh, she’s not that bad.”

Lexa shook her head at both of them.

“I’ll leave you to your five minutes of teaming up on me and take care of dinner instead. An, beer or wine? Or did you drive here?”

“No, I took a cab, so wine would be nice.”

Lexa left them and Anya looked at Clarke.

“So tell me, Clarke, what are your intentions with my sister? Are you able to provide for her?”

Clarke crunched her eyebrows and Anya laughed.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. You look so serious. I promise, I’m not going to bite you. In fact I very much approve of this union.”

“Oh, shut up, An. You’re scaring her.”

Lexa called out from the kitchen, but Clarke grinned.

“You know, Anya, I actually like to be a kept woman. Staying at this marvelous apartment, having my own personal chef … I could get used to that.”

Lexa reappeared from the kitchen, carrying two glasses of wine that she handed over to the women.

“You’re impossible. Both of you. Now sit down or I’ll eat the damn lasagne on my own.”

The evening was nice. Once Clarke got to know Anya she realized that Lexa was right. She wasn’t as tough as she appeared. In fact she was funny and very, very smart. In the middle of a long discussion about van Gogh Lexa got up to make coffee. She watched her sister and her girlfriend talk about paintings and brush techniques and it made her smile. She was happy. For the first time in what seemed like forever she was happy.

–------

“It wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Lexa loaded the dishwasher while Clarke poured them another glass of wine. She felt a little tipsy and it made her think about the last time she drank alcohol. It had been to drown out the pain.  
She looked at Clarke and smiled.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just that I liked how much you clicked with An. It was a very nice evening.”

Clarke came closer and handed her one of the glasses.

“Yes, it was. I like your sister. … Not as much as I like you though.”

She grinned and kissed her.

“Shall we reconvene on the couch?”

“I’d like that.”

Lexa followed her and sat down next to her on the couch, putting her legs up on the coffee table.

“Listen, Clarke, there is something I want to talk to you about.”

“Oh?”

Clarke tensed up a little and Lexa put her hand on her girlfriend’s leg.

“No, nothing of the overly serious sort. It’s just … you’ve basically been living here for the last weeks and …”

“Oh god, Lexa. Of course. You need some space. I should …”

Lexa laughed.

“Clarke. Let me finish. Please?”

“Okay?”

“What I wanted to say was … I’d love for you to move in with me.”

She looked at Clarke and was surprised by her own courage.

“I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks and everything was pretty intense. But I can’t imagine being without you. Not here, not at all. … I’m sorry. I know this is all pretty fast, but …”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

Clarke smiled.

“I would love to move in with you. You’re right. It’s all really, really fast, but I … the idea of being in my apartment … It doesn’t feel right. This …” She pointed at the bookshelves and the kitchen and Lexa. “This feels right. So if you want me to I would be happy to stay here. I insist on paying rent though.”

Lexa laughed.

“I don’t pay rent. I own the apartment.”

“I know, then I’ll pay half of any other running costs. Is that fair?”

“Totally.”

“And I have one more thing.”

Lea looked at her.

“Yes?”

“There is something about me that you might not know yet. … I paint. And I need space for that. So if it’s okay for you I would like to make use of the guest room. The windows are big enough. I like the light that comes in and …”

“Anything, Clarke.” Lexa laughed. “I will give you anything you want.”

It took her a second to realize just how much she meant it.

–------

Lexa got out of her car. She was in a particularly good mood. The sun was shining. It was Clarke’s and her three months anniversary and she was about to take her girlfriend out. She had everything planned. Dinner, movie, dancing. She hadn’t done this in a very long time. In two hours Clarke would be back from her shift at the hospital and hopefully be surprised by the present that Lexa got her.

“Ms. Woods?”

“Detective Miller? What are you doing here?”

Lexa closed her car door and looked at the man who was crossing the street to meet her.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I should speak to you. Our company’s lawyer is handling any further requests.”

“I know. I know.”

He looked at her.

“I am just following up on a few things that your company has been involved in and I thought you could give me some insight in a case.”

Lexa sighed.

“And what might that be?”

His face didn’t give anything away and Lexa tried to figure out on whose side the man was.

“Your fiancée’s murder.”

Lexa’s hand tightened around the car key.

“My fiancée died in a car crash.”

“That is true, but as you know there seems to be a little bit more to that. … Maybe we can take a walk or have a coffee?”

“I am fine right here.”

She stared at him and felt her heart rate pick up. This couldn’t be happening.  
She heard the man sigh.

“Okay. … You are aware that the car your fiancée was driving in belonged to your sister?”

“Yes.”

He waited for her to add anything and when she didn’t he kept on going.

“Her car was in the shop, you were out of town and your sister gave her her car?”

“Yes.”

A bee landed on her car. Lexa looked at it. It seemed out of place and so very slow. Everyone around her seemed to move in slow-motion, too.

“I found the files on your fiancée’s death when I researched your current case. It seems like the breaks of the car had been tampered with.”

He looked at her and suddenly his expression changed to genuine concern.

“… You didn’t know?” 

Lexa stared at him and blinked.

“I … I am sorry, Detective. Can we … I need to go.”

“Ms. Woods …”

“Not now, okay? I need to go.”

She opened the car door and got inside. She noticed that he was about to open the door from the outside to stop her, but she locked it. She saw his face. His mouth was forming words, but she couldn’t hear him. She put the key into the ignition and started. The engine came alive with a roar. 

She told herself to breathe. She knew she wasn’t in the state to drive. She should stop the engine and wait until she had calmed down. She drove onto the street anyway. Luckily there wasn’t much traffic.  
She took a look into the rearview mirror and saw Detective Miller standing on the sidewalk. He was shaking his head, but he didn’t follow her. 

–------

Anya was startled when the door to her office flew open and Lexa stormed in. Over her sister’s shoulder she saw the apologetic smile of her secretary. Lexa slammed the door behind her.

“How could you not tell me?!”

Anya stood up.

“How could I not tell you what?”

Lexa was obviously furious.

“What? That Costia’s death wasn’t an accident! Or is there something else of that magnitude that you didn’t tell me as well?”

Anya sighed. How the hell had she found out?

“Lexa …”

“No!”

Lexa started pacing in front of the desk and then stopped again.

“How could you not tell me, Anya? Someone killed her! Someone killed …”

She stared at her and Anya didn’t know how to react. She walked around the desk.

“I didn’t know how …”

“You didn’t know how?! Are you fucking kidding me?”

“You were in no state …”

Lexa closed the distance between them and stood alarmingly close. For a second Anya expected her to hit her, but Lexa just glared at her.

“They didn’t want to kill Costia, did they? It was your car.”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t tell my, cause you thought I would hold you responsible.”

“No, Lexa, I …”

“I don’t care, An. I want to know who.”

Anya felt the cold creep up her spine. This was exactly why she hadn’t told her sister. It wasn’t, because she was afraid she might blame her. It was, because she knew Lexa would be out for revenge.  
She took a step back.

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t lie to me, Anya. You were never good at that.”

The cold in Lexa’s voice was scary, but Anya didn’t back away.

“I am serious, Lexa. There are a few people who are suspects, but I cannot give you their names and let you go out and kill all of them.”

Lexa didn’t relax. She didn’t stop to stare at her, so Anya kept on talking.

“I didn’t tell you, because I was afraid of this. Exactly this situation. I was afraid that the pain you felt would unload in a thirst for revenge.”

“So you watched me drink myself to death instead?”

Lexa let out a small, scary chuckle.

“I didn’t know what else to do, Lexa. What would you have me done?” 

She had never seen so much anger in her sister’s face, but she kept on talking.

“I was afraid you might go after them and get yourself killed … or get yourself into prison. You were in no state to deal with this kind of information. I mean, look at you! It’s been almost one and a half years. You are with Clarke. You claim to love her and still you’re standing in my office looking like you’re about to go on a killing spree! Do you really think it would have been wise for me to tell you?”

“You could have told me later.”

Anya laughed, but it sounded bitter.

“When? When you were drinking yourself into a stupor? Or when left literally in the middle of the night to join the army hoping for bullet to hit you?”

Lexa blinked and Anya saw her opening.

“You were in no state to deal with this information, Lexa. At no point during that year. … I was going to tell you. In fact I have a new lead. But then I saw you with Clarke and I thought that maybe this should be my burden to carry. Maybe I should leave you out of this so you can be happy again. You deserve to be happy, Lexa!”

Lexa blinked some more and Anya put her hands on her sister’s shoulders.

“Maybe I should have told you. Maybe you had the right to know … but I was scared, Lexa. I was scared that you might unravel. So I made a decision and I stand by it. … I am sorry that I hurt you. I am sorry.”

There were tears in Lexa’s eyes now and she rubbed them away half-heartedly.

“Were they after you or me? … The people who killed her.”

“Does that really matter?”

Lexa nodded, but she wasn’t sure anymore.

“They were after the both of us, I guess.”

When Lexa looked up, Anya’s heart broke for her.  
She pulled her close and Lexa let her.

“I promise that we will find them and bring them to justice, but please, Lexa, you have to promise me you won’t be going rogue on this one. Promise me.”

“Anya, I …”

Anya let go of her and shook her head.

“No ‘buts’ on this one, kid. You have to promise me. You can’t do that to me and you can’t do that to Clarke. You took a responsibility when you asked her to move in. You are not going to forget that. I won’t let you ruin your life over this.”

Lexa looked at her.

“I loved Costia, too.”

“I know that, kiddo. And I loved her like a sister. I swear to you that this will not go unanswered and I won’t be doing anything without you from now on, but you will not get revenge, Lexa. You know damn well, that Costia wouldn’t want you to. That’s not who she was. … What was it that she always said?”

“Blood does not always have to answer blood.”

„Exactly. … Sometimes inflicting severe physical pain must be enough.“


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again. So sorry. ;)

“Lexa?”

“Anya called you, didn’t she?”  
Lexa didn’t turn around, when she heard Clarke approaching. She knew exactly who it was.

“Yes.”  
Clarke stopped right next to her.

“Did she tell you that you would find me here?”

“No, I thought of that myself.”

Clarke looked at the headstone. It was gray natural stone, nothing fancy, solid.  
“Costia DeWitt” was engraved in beautiful lettering.

“Are you going to tell me to let it go?”  
Lexa still wouldn’t look at her.

“No.”

That did the trick. Lexa turned her head and gave her a confused glance.  
“No?”

Clarke was still looking at the headstone.  
“Would it do any good? Me telling you not to pursue this? Would it change anything?”

Lexa blinked.  
“No.”

“I thought so. So why would I try to make you change your mind? It would only add to your problems. You would feel guilty about doing something against my will and I don’t want that.  
I want you to know that you can talk to me. Not matter what.”  
She bit her lower lip.  
“You loved her.”

“Clarke, I …”

“Please, let me finish. … I know you love me, too, but I also know that it doesn’t negate what you had with her. Do I like the idea of you risking your life again after we finally found some peace? No!”  
She gave her a sad chuckle.  
“But I understand it. Also if the ones who tampered with the breaks targeted you and Anya I want you to find them. Who says they’re not going to try again?”  
Clarke sighed.  
“But please, for the love of God, Lexa, don’t keep me out of this. I need to know what you’re doing. You owe me that much, don’t you think?”

She turned to face Lexa and saw her grind her teeth in the failed effort to keep her tears at bay. She reached for her hand and sighed again, this time relieved, when Lexa fully turned around and pulled her into an embrace.

“I am sorry, Clarke. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I know.”

“I wanted to take you out. I had everything planned …”

“That’s not important, Lex. Don’t beat yourself up about that. It’s not your fault.”  
She felt Lexa’s tears warm and wet on the collar of her coat and suddenly she realized that they weren’t about their anniversary.  
“Nothing of this is your fault. You couldn’t have known about the car. Anya couldn’t have known. This is not your fault. Costia’s death is not your fault.”

“But she died … because of me …”  
Lexa was slowly unravelling, clinging onto Clarke and Clarke knew she would have to be strong enough for the both of them.

“No, Lexa, she died, because some asshole tampered with the breaks of the car. If it hadn’t been her in it, it might have been Anya. Would that have made a difference?”

Lexa sniffled and looked at her.  
“No.”

“So you don’t think Anya had it coming even if she’s involved in whatever this is as much as you or probably even more?”

“No.”

“Than I guess that means that you wouldn’t have deserved to die in that car either. Do you see where I am getting at?”

Lexa crunched her brows.  
“I guess.”

“’I guess’ isn’t good enough, Woods. I need you here. With both feet on the ground. Ready to face whatever this is. You’re no good to Costia if you think, even for one minute, that you deserve to lie here. In this grave. Do you understand?”

Clarke had taken a step back, holding Lexa away from her at arms length, her eyes focused on Lexa’s. Lexa couldn’t help, but think that this was a side of Clarke she hadn’t seen before. Protective, but also fiercely pointing her in the direction of danger, knowing that they would be stronger if they faced it together. She took a deep breath and stood tall.

“Okay.”

“Okay what?

“Okay, Clarke. You are right. Anya and me … neither of us would have deserved to die either.”

Clarke lifted an eyebrow like she was questioning the sincerity of her answer.

“I mean it, Clarke. I promise I will go about this the smart way. No suicide mission, no drinking. You are right. We have to find out who did this. We have to make sure it doesn’t happen again …”  
There was an audible silence at the end and Clarke new exactly what it meant.

“But you cannot promise me what will happen, when you find the one who is responsible.”

Lexa tilted her head trying to assess Clarke’s reaction, but Clarke’s expression was unreadable. She looked at Lexa for a long while, before she answered.

“We will cross that bridge when we get to it.”

–

“What’s going on?”

Bellamy ignored the chair he was offered and stood in the middle of Anya’s office. Lincoln did the same and glanced at Clarke who sat on the couch that Anya kept for business meetings. Lexa was leaning on one of the windows, looking outside.

Anya waited for another second before she answered.  
“We have a … situation.”

Nobody answered so she kept going.  
“You guys didn’t know Costia, Lexa’s fiancée.”  
She looked at her sister’s back, but Lexa didn’t react.  
“You do know that she died in a car crash however. … Well, it wasn’t an accident.”

Bellamy looked at Lexa and frowned when she still didn’t move.  
“How long have you known?”

Anya sat down on her chair.  
“Shortly after.”

“And you didn’t tell Lexa?”

“No.”

“Why?”  
He was confused. He heard Lincoln move beside him.  
“Yes, why?”

“I don’t think …”  
Anya started to talk, but stopped when Lexa turned around.

“She had her reasons and we are not going to talk about them. That’s not why we’re here.”

Both men looked at her with a mixture of concern and curiosity.  
Bellamy was the first to speak again.  
“Why are we here then?”

“We are here, because Anya has a lead. We are also here, because now that I know I will not stop until I find the person responsible.”

Clarke watched her. Lexa looked tough, but she didn’t fool her. She knew she would have to take care of her. She knew Lexa was hellbent on finding Costia’s killer and she would forget about everything else. The only thing she could do was help her stay focused so all of this was over sooner rather than later. 

“I take it you think Costia’s death is related to the company?”  
Bellamy was in business mode already. Clarke smiled. She knew she could count on him.

Anya nodded.  
“Yes. We had a few cases at that time, but one stood out. Does the name Azgeda Corp. mean anything to you?”

Clarke saw Lincoln stir.  
“Big multinational company. Mostly import and export.”

“Yes, that one. Only that import and export sounds a little to clean for what they do. They import drugs and export weapons.”

Bellamy looked at her.  
“I take it we don’t have proof of that?”

Anya shook her head.  
“Not enough anyway. But we were close.”

“Why were you investigating them in the first place? Last time I checked this firm was about security.”

Lexa looked at her sister and then at Bellamy.  
“We were hired to find someone. The daughter of a long-time client. She had been to a club, her friends said she went to the bathroom after what appeared to be a few drinks too many and she wasn’t seen again after that.”

“What happened?”

“Well, we found out that the ‘few drinks too many’ was in fact one drugged drink. The security camera of the club showed a guy in a suit flirting with her and pouring something in her drink when she wasn’t looking. None of her friends saw his face, but we had our people sift through hours and hours of additional video and surely enough they found him. He had done the same thing before. The girl who vanished that night is still missing.”

“So, a serial killer?”

Anya tilted her head.  
“That was one possibility, but as soon as we realized who the guy was, things got even more interesting.”  
She went for the dramatic pause.  
“Roan Queen.”

Bellamy shifted on his feet.  
“As in Nia Queens’ son?”

“The one and only.”

“Nia Queens’ son is a serial killer?”

“Well, we thought so at first, but then I had Monty take a closer look at him. We soon realized that he had a little … business … of his own. There was money coming in from strange places.”

“Are you telling me the bastard sells those women?”

“It all pointed to that.”  
Anya nodded.  
“We kept digging and then two things happened. They found the body of our client’s daughter in a lake in Ontario, far, far away from any Azgeda property.”  
She looked at Lexa.  
“And Costia died.”

Bellamy saw Lexa flinch if only for a split second. He looked at Anya.  
“It was your car. They tried to kill you as a warning for Lexa?”

“That is my best guess.”

They all fell silent as the men processed the information.

“You didn’t proceed with the investigation after that?”  
Lincoln looked at Anya who gave him a tiny smile.

“Oh, I did. I just made sure that it would be under the radar. Unfortunately we didn’t come up with much. It was this Detective Miller who set things in motion again. He started to snoop around and somehow people got nervous.”

“How so?”

“We had Roan under surveillance and he got very busy suddenly. He made a lot of calls, there were meetings in the dead of night, money exchanged hands …”

“Any sight of the girls?”

Anya shook her head.  
“Not yet, but I am positive that we will find them if our best people work on it …”  
She looked at Lincoln.  
“Are you already regretting that you took my job offer?”

He grinned.  
“I am married now. I need to feed my wife. I am working with my friends. My answer to that is ‘no’.”  
He looked at Lexa.  
“How are you holding up?”

Lexa took her time with the answer. She looked at Clarke and then back at Lincoln.  
“I sincerely don’t know how to answer that. I feel mad and devastated and guilty and then mad again. I want to get them. I want to get whoever killed Costia and make them hurt. I want to make sure that Clarke is safe, that Anya is safe. I don’t want you guys to get hurt. It’s a lot to deal with and I am still processing …”  
She chewed on her bottom lip.  
“I am sorry, I should be more of a leader right now.”

Lincoln shook his head.  
“Don’t ever apologize to me for being human, Lexa. You’ve been through so much it’s a miracle you didn’t crack. I know you had a hard time and I know you were close to giving up a few times, but you always had our backs anyway.”  
He looked at Bellamy who nodded.  
“Let us have yours this time. … What do you need us to do?” 

Lexa looked from one to the other and smiled.  
“Funny you should ask …”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. I know I've taken my time with this, like a lot of time, but I am done now. I wrote the ending, so I won't abandon this story. And because of my guilty conscience I will post most of it today.  
> I am deeply sorry about any mistakes you might find. I really wanted to post this, but I have to go and prepare dinner now, so I don't have time for a proper proofreading. ;)
> 
> Have fun and tell me what you think.

She had never fired a gun before. In fact she had never even touched one. She had always been afraid of them, of their power to destroy. She didn’t understand the notion of feeling safer with a weapon in the house. How could anyone be safer with something so deadly close-by?

The recoil had been harder than she’d expected. If she had expected it at all. She knew about it of course, but experiencing it, the way one’s arm was jerked back, because of a tiny metal piece leaving the barrel, was almost shocking. The sound of the shot was still ringing in her ears even though she surely must have fired it ages ago. 

Her arm grew heavy and she lowered it, slowly, trying to get the world back into focus. She heard the sound of metal falling on concrete. She must have let go of the automatic. She was lucky that it didn’t go off on impact. 

She looked at Lexa’s lifeless form lying only a few feet from her, on her side, a little bent, her eyes closed. Her chestnut colored hair was tainted red and a small pool of blood had already formed next to her. Her beautiful girl, not moving. Clarke blinked.


	18. Chapter 18

EARLIER

“You gotta be kidding me! Where did you get that?”

“Do you really want to know?”  
Monty grinned.

“I guess not?”  
Anya looked at him.  
“But you are sure about this?”

“As sure as I can be. The ‘shipment’ leaves the harbor tonight.”  
He flinched.  
“’Shipment’. That’s what these bastards call those women. You have my permission to kick their asses when you find them.”

Anya smiled at him. She had been waiting for a break like this. For a solid lead. They had managed to collect a lot of evidence on the Azgeda Corporation, but Roan Queen’s extracurricular activities somehow were buried deep. She had persuaded Lexa to wait. She was afraid he might vanish and take the women with him if he was spooked.  
She looked at her watch.

“Monty, how would you like some field work?”

“Why?”

“I send Lexa home. She needs to spend some time with Clarke. I want to make sure that this info is solid before I bring her into this. So how about you and I go on a stakeout?”

“Can I bring snacks?”

\----

“Lexa, your mind is clearly not in this.”

Lexa sighed and looked at the chessboard. Clarke had just taken her queen and she would be finished in two to three moves.

“Sorry. I’m distracted.”

“You would rather be at the office, wouldn’t you?”  
Clarke smiled.  
“You can go, you know? As much as I love Anya for trying to force you to take a time out, it’s clearly not working.”

“I am sorry.”  
Lexa looked guilty and Clarke laughed.

“Really, Lex. Go. Just be home in time for dinner, okay?”

Lexa smiled and kissed her.  
“I promise.”

\----

It was already getting late when Lexa switched off the lamp on her desk. If she wanted to get home in time for dinner she had to go now. She passed Anya’s office which was empty. Lexa frowned. She hadn’t seen her sister at all today and she didn’t answer her calls. Something about it felt off. She decided to ask Monty to locate her.

“Emori, have you seen Monty?”

The woman looked up from the small machine she had been working on.  
“He left with your sister at about noon. Why?”

Lexa frowned.  
“Did he say where they were going?”

“No. Sorry. Can I help you?”

Lexa nodded.  
“Can you locate his phone? And my sister’s?”

“Sure. Give me a second.”  
She moved the mouse of her computer and the monitor came to life. She opened a few programs, clicked a few things and suddenly two tiny dots were visible on the screen.

“They are at the docks. Do you need the coordinates?”

\----

“Bell, I sent you the coordinates of Anya’s and Monty’s phones. I think something is wrong. I’m heading there now. Call me when you get this.”

Lexa moved her car through traffic, getting more agitated by the minute. What the hell was Anya up to? The coordinates led her to a small alley. She spotted the car instantly, but it was empty except for a bag of chips and a bottle of the weird soft-drink Monty liked. Lexa checked the coordinates again. They hadn’t changed. She called Anya’s number. Inside of the car she saw a display light up. Damn it!

She looked around. There were three large buildings that were possible targets of a surveillance. She made another phone call.

“Emori? It’s Lexa. I need you to call Lincoln and Bellamy and have them come to the coordinates you gave me. Anya and Monty are missing.”

“Missing?”

“The car is empty except for their phones. Did Monty tell you what he was up to lately?”

“No. But I’ll find out. … You want me to call the cavalry?”

Lexa hesitated. If she pulled up with full forces Roan might be spooked. And she was sure that it was Roan she was after. Then again, if Anya had been on a stakeout there must be a reason for that.

“Yes. But tell them to be subtle.”

“Got it, boss.”

Lexa ended the call and put it on mute, then she checked her weapon and made sure it was loaded and fully functional.


	19. Chapter 19

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner, Bell? Lexa should be here any second.”

“No, really, Clarke. I gotta go. I promised Raven we’d watch this stupid show she likes. The one with the zombies? She said you’d lend us the second season?”

Clarke laughed.  
“Sure. Even though you don’t look so enthusiastic about it.”

He grinned.  
“Yeah, you got me. I think zombies are boring.”  
He took out his phone.  
“I better call her and tell her I’m on my way.”  
He pressed a button and his display came to life.  
“Damn, I forgot to turn the ringtone on. I missed a few calls.”  
He pressed the speed dial for his mailbox and listened to his messages. Clarke saw his face darken.

“What is wrong, Bell?”

“Work. Sorry, I have to go.”

Clarke stepped in his way.  
“Work means Lexa. What happened?”

Bellamy frowned. He knew she wouldn’t believe him if he told her everything was fine. Clarke had always been able to read him like a book.  
“Anya and Monty are missing and Lexa has gone after them alone.”

Clarke already had her jacket on.  
“Let’s go.”

“Clarke …”

“If you think I’ll stay here if they are in danger you don’t know me very well, Mister.”

–---

The building was huge and as far as Lexa could tell also very empty. She silently moved around the next corner. There was a door to her left. She waited in front of it for any sign of movement, but couldn’t hear anything. She opened the door, but the room behind it was empty as well. Maybe she was in the wrong building. She moved on.  
At the end of the hallway there was a staircase to the basement. She went down and saw light. It came from the right. She checked her weapon again and moved into the direction the light came from. Now she heard voices.

“Do you get why the boss didn’t just kill the bitch?”

“Nope. And I didn’t ask. I learned not to question his decisions the hard way.”  
The man chuckled.  
“I guess he wants to find out how much the sister knows first. If he just blows all of them up the police will start to snoop around. He wants to keep a low profile.”

“And the Asian guy?”

“I guess, he’s still out. I put him with the girls. Roan thinks he might have a few clients who’d be interested in him.”

“Always trying to make a profit, this one.”  
Another chuckle, this time from the other guy.  
Lexa stood in the hallway and contemplated her options. If Roan was with Anya then waiting for the cavalry wasn’t an option, but first she would have to get past these two goons. She needed a distraction. She looked around. There was another door at the end of the hall. It had an iron bar in front of it. She was pretty sure that she would find the missing women behind it and it gave her an idea.

–---

“Did you hear that?”

“What?”  
The man looked at his friend.

“Those bitches are screaming at the top of their lungs.”

“Well, let them.”

“Oh, come on, you know Roan will get mad. Let’s just slap a few of them and they’ll be quiet.”

The other one hesitated for a second and sighed.  
“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll go.”  
He left and walked down the corridor where he removed the iron bar.

“What’s with the noise? Shut the fuck up! Don’t you remember what I told you?”  
He opened the door and was hit by a fist. He didn’t see it coming and it caught him completely by surprise. He held his nose, sure that it was broken, and wanted to scream when a knee connected with his groin, leaving him breathless. The next hit came from behind and knocked him out. Lexa looked at Monty.  
“Lead them out of here. Be as silent as possible. Bell and Lincoln should be here any minute. Make sure they find me.”

She turned around and took her position next to the guards’ room. When the first woman ran past the door the other guard stormed out only to be greeted by the barrel of Lexa’s gun. She waited for Monty and the women to be out of harms way before she made her way into the depths of the building to find her sister.


	20. Chapter 20

“You really want to tell me that your sister knows nothing?”

Anya nodded. Roan hit her in the face and she groaned.

“If you don’t like my answers, why do you ask in the first place?”  
She spat out blood and parts of a tooth. Her dentist would be furious.

“Oh, I like your answers, I just don’t believe them.”  
He smiled.  
“You really want me to believe that you came here without your sister knowing?”

“Yes.”  
The next punch made her feel dizzy. Her rips were aching and she could’t see out of her left eye. She was tied to a chair, there was no chance in hell she would get out of this. She cursed herself for being so stupid. She should have told Lexa. She should have told anyone, but as usual she had thought she could handle this alone. Damn her stupid hubris.

“You could just let me go.”

He laughed.  
“And why would I do that?”

“Because the police is after you and murder doesn’t look good on your resume.”

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think? After your sister’s girlfriend?”

Anya sighed.  
“So it was you. Why?”

He shrugged.  
“She was collateral damage. I couldn’t know she’d take your car. … But anyway …”  
He pulled the gun from the waistband of his jeans and turned off the safety.  
“I’ve heard what I wanted to hear. If your sister comes after me I will deal with her.”  
He pointed his gun at Anya.  
“Say hi to Costia for me!”

“Stop!”  
Lexa had his gun directed at him. She looked furious.  
Roan flinched.

“Well, this is unfortunate.”  
He looked at her.  
“You should lower your gun though or I’ll blow your sister’s head off.”

“Or I could just shoot you.”

“And risk me pulling the trigger? I don’t think you would.”  
He smiled.  
“Lower your weapon and we can talk.”

Lexa’s thoughts were racing. She prayed that Bellamy and Lincoln were here by now. She had to play for time.  
“Roan, don’t you think you should consider giving up? I knocked out your guards. I freed the women. There is nothing left for you to win.”

He chuckled.  
“That’s a weird pep talk from someone who wants me not to shoot her sister.”  
He pulled the trigger. The bullet crashed into the wall next to Anya’s head making her jump as far as the restraints would let her.  
“Put down the weapon or the next one won’t miss.”

–---

“Monty! Are you okay?”

“Light headache, I’ll live.”

Clarke looked at the blood on Monty’s face.  
“I’ll call 911.”

“I don’t need an ambulance.”

“Don’t try to be a hero. Even if you’re okay, they are clearly not.”  
Bellamy pointed at the seven women next to him who were clearly in shock.  
“Where is Lexa?”

“Inside, searching for Anya.”

Bell nodded.  
“Clarke, wait here. I’m getting my vest. Lincoln should be here any second.”

Clarke ended her call and looked at the women. They were clearly shaken. She wondered how much counseling would be needed to get past a trauma like this? She had another look at Monty.  
“You might have a concussion. Sit down and wait for the ambulance.”

Suddenly there was a loud noise, a shot. It was muffled by the walls, but she was sure of what she had heard. Without hesitation Clarke turned and ran.  
Bellamy came back from his car, wearing a bulletproof vest.

“Monty? Where is Clarke?”

“She ran inside.”

“And you let her? Are you crazy?”  
Bellamy stormed past him and Monty shook his head, the sudden pain making him groan.


	21. Chapter 21

“Okay. I am going to put my weapon down.”

“Lexa, no!”

“It’s okay, An!”

“No, it’s fucking not! He’s going to kill you!”

Lexa ignored her and put her weapon onto the ground. She lifted her hands and moved away from it.

“Roan, the police are on their way. If you leave now, you might have a chance.”

Lexa knew it was pointless to try to persuade him, but she had to try and buy them some time. It was the only way. She glanced at her sister. Anya’s left eye was almost swollen shut and her lips split. Tied to that chair she looked more fragile than Lexa had ever seen her. Lexa vividly remembered the day a man had broken into their house when she was ten. She remembered the vicious smile when he held the knife to her throat, telling her in no uncertain words, that he would maim and kill her. She remembered the panic and the embarrassment when she peed her own pants. But the thing she remembered best was the look on Anya’s face when she entered the kitchen. The rage, the determination. The man was hurting her sister and Anya wouldn’t have that. Lexa remembered the man turning around, threatening Anya. And she still heard his scream as the big knife her father used to carve the Thanksgiving turkey with entered his body and the sound his body made when it hit the floor. She still saw it in her dreams.

She tried to guess the distance between her and Roan, calculated the speed needed to get between him an Anya. She knew it would be her last hurrah. If she failed they’d both be dead. She tried not to think about Clarke.

“There’s no need for you to kill us.”

“Oh, really?”  
He laughed.  
“To be honest, I’ve been thinking about selling the two of you to the highest bidder instead, but that would be some dumb Bond villain move, wouldn’t it? You might come back to get your revenge.”  
He pointed the gun at Anya.  
“I think I’ll better make this quick.”

Lexa was fast. She was on him before he could pull the trigger and she fought him with everything she had. When the gun went off it was a stupid coincidence. The bullet hit her in the upper leg and she instantly knew it was bad, because the blood was already wetting her pants. Next Roan hit her in the face with the gun barrel. Lexa heard Anya scream, then she fell and lost consciousness.

Roan wiped some blood from his lips where Lexa had managed to punch him. He smiled.  
“It’s sad really. You would have mad a great sell. People always pay more for the once who have some fight left in them.”  
He directed the gun at Lexa.  
“Pity.”

Another shot echoed in the empty hall and Roan’s expression changed from smug to surprised. His eyes wandered down his own body, stoping at the red stain on the left side of his shirt that grew bigger with every heartbeat. He stumbled backwards until his back crashed into the wall. His knees went week and he slid down, leaving a red streak on the white paint. He coughed up blood. His arm went numb and his hand with the gun rested in his lap. A few more breaths moved his chest until his body finally went slack. 

Clarke stared at him and then at Lexa’s gun in her hand. She had never fired a gun before. In fact she had never even touched one. She had always been afraid of them, of their power to destroy. She didn’t understand the notion of feeling safer with a weapon in the house. How could anyone be safer with something so deadly close-by?

The recoil had been harder than she’d expected. If she had expected it at all. She knew about it of course, but experiencing it, the way one’s arm was jerked back, because of a tiny metal piece leaving the barrel, was almost shocking. The sound of the shot was still ringing in her ears even though she surely must have fired it ages ago. 

Her arm grew heavy and she lowered it, slowly, trying to get the world back into focus. She heard the sound of metal falling on concrete. She must have let go of the automatic. She was lucky that it didn’t go off on impact. 

She looked at Lexa’s lifeless form lying only a few feet from her, on her side, a little bent, her eyes closed. Her chestnut colored hair was tainted red and a small pool of blood had already formed next to her. Her beautiful girl, not moving. Clarke blinked. 

She had never taken a life before. She was a doctor, sworn to do just the opposite. She had taken an oath to save lives and still she had fired the bullet. She wasn’t sure if she had even hesitated. What did that make her? 

Now that it was relieved of the weight of the weapon her body went into shock. She was a doctor. She knew. But the feeling that she was watching herself from a distance was weird and unsettling nevertheless.

“Lexa?”

She heard Anya’s voice from behind her, shaky, scared … desperate.  
Clarke couldn’t move. Her feet seemed to be one with the floor, her hands white-knuckled fists.  
It was only when Anya ran past her, hardly acknowledging her presence and half knocking her out of the way, that life finally found its way back into Clarke Griffin’s veins. 

The first thing she noticed was the taste of blood from where she had bit her lip, the second the metallic smell of gunpowder. She took a breath.

Anya was kneeling next to her sister now, frantically searching for the source of the bleeding.  
Clarke was sick. Most of her stomach content found its way to the floor.

“Clarke?”

Clarke was retching.

“Clarke!”

She jumped and stumbled when she felt Bellamy’s hand on her back, but he seemed to have expected something like this and caught her by the arm.

“Clarke!”  
He shook her a little.  
“Come on, Griffin, you can’t freak out now. Lexa needs you!”  
He looked past her at Anya who had started CPR.  
“Clarke! I know you’re in shock, but your girlfriend is hurt. She’s dying, Clarke!  
Lexa. Is. Dying!”

Clarke took a shaky breath. It felt like the air was on fire. But the pain made her mind clearer somehow. Or maybe it was her instincts kicking in. She wasn’t sure. She pushed Bellamy away. Anya was still doing CPR on Lexa. Clarke knelt down next to her and checked her girlfriend’s pulse and her pupils. She was breathing, but only just. 

“Stop.”  
Her voice had a mechanical sound, but she could worry about that later.

“What?”  
Anya stared at her like she only just realized that Clarke was there.

“She’s breathing. Give me some room!”  
She checked the bullet wound on Lexa’s leg. It didn’t seem like it fully severed the artery, but it must have graced it, because there was a lot of blood already. 

“Give me your belt!”

Anya handed it over without asking and Clarke put it around Lexa’s leg, building a make-shift tourniquet, trying to minimize the blood loss. 

“Bell, your shirt!”  
He took it off and handed it to her. She pressed it onto the still bleeding wound.

“Anya, press this down.”

Clarke checked Lexa’s pulse again.  
“Don’t you dare give up now, Lex! You’re not going to die on me!”

She carefully pushed Lexa’s hair from her face and looked at the head wound. It looked superficial enough not to worry her for now. She pressed her ear onto Lexa’s ribcage and listened to her heartbeat and breathing. Everything was regular, there were no unusual sounds. Good.

When she looked up she saw Roans body. He was still sitting against the wall and could have been sleeping if it wasn’t for the unnaturally white color of his face and the large pool of blood on the floor around him. Clarke swallowed the bile in her mouth.  
When she looked back at Lexa she made a decision.

“Bell, get the car.”

He looked at her, hesitating.  
“The ambulance should be here in a few minutes.”

Clarke got up.  
“Bellamy, I am a doctor. She needs a blood transfusion. The ambulance won’t make it in time. Get the car!”

“Bellamy? Do you copy?”  
Lincolns voice sounded distorted and Bellamy tapped his earpiece.

“Lincoln? Lexa is hurt. We need a car. Now!”

“I’m right out front. I’ll be there in a second.”

It took him no longer than thirty. He didn’t stop to look at Roan’s body, he didn’t ask any questions. Instead he carefully lifted Lexa up from the ground and carried her to the car while Anya proceeded to apply pressure to the wound. 

Clarke stared at Roan’s body.  
“I shot him …”  
She wasn’t sure if she was talking to anyone in particular.  
Bellamy touched her arm, bringing her back to the moment.  
“It was self-defense. Go now. Take care of Lexa. I’ll deal with the police.”

Bellamy was right. Roan would have killed Lexa. He would have killed Anya. Clarke turned around. She would deal with it later.


	22. Chapter 22

“Step on it, Lincoln! Is this the best you can do?”  
Anya looked over her shoulder to the backseat where Clarke was still applying pressure to Lexa’s wound. 

“We’re close and I’d rather not kill us all before we reach the hospital.”  
His voice was calm. Having Lincoln at her side in a crisis like this was probably the best case scenario. Anya made a mental note to upgrade his salary. 

Lexa was pale and the shirt in Clarke’s hands soaked with her blood. Clarke kept checking her vitals. For someone who feared for her girlfriend’s life and who had puked all over the floor only a few minutes ago she seemed miraculously composed. Anya knew that she would most certainly unravel later and she swore that she would be there for her when it happened. 

Abby was waiting for them when they arrived. Lincoln lifted Lexa from the car and put her onto the stretcher while Clarke recited Lexa’s stats to her mother. They moved her inside and the nurses pushed the stretcher through the doors of the ER. Clarke tried to follow them, but Abby stopped her.

“Clarke, stop.”

“But Mum …”

“You’ve done everything you could. I need you to stay here.”

“But …”

“You know that I am right, Clarke. Stay here. Let me do my job.”  
Clarke knew she was right. Of course she was right, but staying here, on the sidelines meant no control over what happened to Lexa. And if something happened to Lexa …  
She looked at her mother.

“Save her, Mom?”

Abby kissed her on the forehead.  
“I will do everything I can. You know I will.”

Clarke stood in the middle of the hallway, staring at the doors her mother vanished behind. She blinked. Everything was wrong. Every. Bloody. Thing.  
It took a second before she realized that Anya was standing next to her. Her left eye was swollen shut and the way she held her upper body Clarke was sure that she was in pain.

“Let me have a look at you.”  
She carefully touched the bruise on her cheek.

“Clarke, I am fine.”

“You don’t look fine. Let me have a look. Follow me.”

Anya stayed right where she was.  
“You don’t have to, Clarke. You’ve done enough for today.”

Clarke bit her lip.  
“No, Anya, I really have to. Please. … If I stop now … If I sit down and stop, I will break. I cannot break right now. Please, let me do what I do and check your injuries.”

Anya looked at her with an unspoken question on her lips.

“My mother will find us, Anya. We will know as soon as she’s done.”  
She bit her lip.  
“Please?”

Anya nodded. She had promised to be there for Clarke and if taking care of her was what she needed, so be it.

 

–---

It took an agonizing hour and a half. Ninety minutes of waiting and trying to keep her thoughts in check.  
Ninety minutes in which every possible scenario went through her head.  
Somewhere in between Bellamy arrived with Detective Miller in tow. He asked her questions and she answered them although afterwards she wasn’t sure what exactly she had said. At some point Anya took him by the arm and led him away.

Ninety minutes.  
When she looked up Raven and Octavia sat next to her while Lincoln was talking to Bellamy. She had no idea when all of them had arrived.

Ninety minutes.  
The clock seemed to run slower than usual.

“Clarke?”  
She looked up. When did her mother get here? How come she hadn’t noticed? Clarke jumped up from her chair, searching her mother’s face for any clue about Lexa’s condition. Any subtle hint of success or defeat.

“She is stable, Clarke. You did a good job. We managed to repair the artery … blood loss … concussion … still unconscious …”  
Clarke stared at her. She only heard fragments of what her mother said.  
Stable. That was a good thing. Stable.  
The shaking began slowly, next came the tears. She couldn’t help it. She felt arms around her, steadying her. She felt the glances of other people in the waiting area and realized how she must look with Lexa’s blood all over her clothes. That’s when she broke.


	23. Chapter 23

“Clarke?”

Clarke stirred, but didn’t open her eyes.

“Clarke, hey, wake up.”  
The sound of Abby’s voice was soothing, just like when Clarke was a little kid and her mother woke her from a nightmare.  
“Come on, honey, you need to wake up or your back is going to kill you!”

Clarke opened her eyes. At first she was clueless as to where she was, but then she remembered.

“Lexa?”

“She’s fine. Still sleeping. Look, she’s over there.”

Clarke wiped the sleep from her eyes. She was lying on a sofa in one of the hospital’s private rooms. She turned her head and there she was. Lexa. Still pale, but the monitor showed a steady heartbeat and all the vital signs were well within limits.

“How did I get here?”

Abby looked at her.  
“You were exhausted. We thought it would be best if we let you sleep in here.”

“You gave me a sedative, didn’t you?”  
Clarke sat up.

“Yes.”

Clarke looked at the monitor again.  
“I shot someone …”

Abby sat down next to her and took her hand.  
“I know.” 

“I killed him. I didn’t even hesitate.”

“Bellamy and Anya told me. It was self-defense, honey.”

“It doesn’t … make it any less bad, does it?.”  
She frowned.  
Abby put her arm around Clarke’s shoulders.

“You had no choice. He would have killed Lexa.”  
She kissed her daughter’s temple.  
“I would have done the same thing.”  
It was merely a whisper.

“I don’t know how I feel about it. I killed someone …”  
Clarke looked at her mother.  
“I swore an oath to save lives … I just … don’t feel anything, right now. When he pointed the gun at her …”  
She took a deep breath and clenched her teeth.  
“I didn’t hesitate for one second. I would do it again in a heartbeat. What does that make me?”

“Human.”  
Abby pulled her into a hug.  
“You don’t have to force this, Clarke, and you don’t have to deal with it alone. We will get you any help you need, okay?”

Clarke nodded.  
She looked at Lexa.  
“Has she woken up yet?”

“No. But she will soon. She’s tough.”  
Abby got up.  
“I need to make the rounds. Will you be okay? Are you hungry? Do you want me to get you anything?”

“No. Thanks, Mum. … Where is Anya?”

“She is talking to the detective.”

“I guess, I better give him a statement, too.”

“You already did.”

“I did?”

“You don’t remember?”

“No.”  
Clarke shook her head.  
“But as I am not in cuffs I guess I did okay?”

Abby smiled.  
“Detective Miller seems to be satisfied with all the witness accounts so far. He also appears to be a little embarrassed that Anya and Lexa managed to do what the police couldn’t. They arrested Nia Queen at the airport half an hour ago.”

“That’s good, I guess? What happened to the women? And how is Monty?”

“Monty is fine. Just a little headache. The women are home with their families. There is nothing you have to take care of now, Clarke. Just be with Lexa, okay?”

Clarke nodded. There was a chair next to Lexa’s bed and she sat down in it.  
Her mother quietly closed the door.

Clarke looked at Lexa and reached for her hand. This was probably what people called “coming full circle”. When she had first seen Lexa she was a patient with a bullet wound. And even though it didn’t take her much time to realize that the woman was special she would never have thought that only a few months later she would sit at her bedside again, holding her hand and loving her with every fibre of her being.

“Lexa? Baby, please wake up.”  
Her hand gently caressed Lexa’s cheek. She didn’t get any reaction, but she kept on talking anyway. She needed to get it out.

“I was scared, Lexa. When he pointed the gun at you … I didn’t think. I just shot him. The idea … The thought of losing you … ” She clenched her jaw so much, it hurt. “I love you. I really hope that you can find some peace now. I really hope … I can’t be afraid of losing you all the time. It hurts too much. I know your job isn’t necessarily safe, but stuff like this … I don’t know how much of it I can take.”  
She sighed.  
“Don’t worry, I’m not breaking up with you. I never could …”  
There were a few tears on her cheek and she hastily wiped them away. She looked at the monitor. She should go and check up on Anya. Lexa would probably be out for another hour or two. She placed a kiss on Lexa’s hand and got up.  
“I’ll be back in a minute.”

It was only when Clarke was gone that Lexa opened her eyes. She blinked a few times and finally settled on staring at the ceiling. She had a decision to make.


	24. Chapter 24

“And you’re sure about this?”

“Absolutely.” Lexa slowly sat herself down on Anya’s couch, lifting her leg up on the coffee table. Anya looked at her from where she was standing.

“You are not going to regret it?”

“Anya, I am not vanishing from the face of the earth. I am just asking not to be a part of the active team any longer. I can still do office work.”

Anya sat down in the armchair across from her.  
“Lex, I’ve known you since you took your first breath. You’ve never been destined for office work.”  
She gave her a half-smile. “But I get that you are fed up with being shot at. … That is what this is about, isn’t it?”

Lexa hesitated maybe a second too long and Anya picked up on it.  
“No. You’re doing it because of Clarke …” She looked at her sister. “Did she ask you to quit?”

“No.” Lexa shook her head. “She would never do that. I just … I’ve put her through so much. I cannot ask her to do this again, worry about me all the time. I want her to be happy.”

“And you think, you sitting behind a desk will make her happy?”

“Yes.”

“But will it make you happy?”

Lexa didn’t know how to answer that and Anya nodded.  
“Yeah, I figured. Listen kiddo, I get your decision. I totally understand. But I don’t see you sitting in your office assigning jobs to others. If you wanna quit, quit for real. Find something your heart is into … Why don’t you pick up that camera of yours again? See if anything comes from it? It’s not like you have to worry about money. Half of this company is yours, no matter what.”

Lexa bit her lip.  
“Anya, I can’t expect you to do this all by yourself.”

“Why? Do you think I can’t manage?” Anya laughed. “May I remind you that you left the country in the middle of the night and the company is still here? I did just fine …”

“That’s not what I …”

“I know exactly what you meant, Lex. You think you have a responsibility. The thing is: I want you to be happy. Clarke makes you happy. Don’t let her slip away.”

“I won’t.”  
Lexa smiled, thinking about the ring box in her sock drawer. 

“But I also think that you have to find something that makes you happy as a person. And I do recall that photography was always one of those things. You shouldn’t have put the camera away in the first place.”

“You really don’t want me here, do you?” Lexa laughed and Anya grinned at her.

“No. I want you gone from my office as far away as possible. Take a few days to think about it, okay?”

“Okay.”

–

“Where do all of these photos come from? They are gorgeous!”

Clarke carefully climbed over the stacks of photographs Lexa had spread across the floor of the living room. She picked up a beautiful colored shot. The focus was on a bumble-bee busy with pollinating while all of the flowers were a blur, a carpet of multiple colors.

“I took them.”  
Lexa held up a negative against the light.

“You took them? All of them?”  
Clarke picked up another photo. It was a black and white close-up of an old man sitting on a bench. A dog had its front legs on the man’s knee and he was laughing. It wasn’t just an ordinary black and white photo though. Clarke could see the wrinkles on the man’s face and a few grey streaks in the dog’s fur like they were three-dimensional. The way the light fell onto the man’s face, the way the shadows sharpened his features. The photograph had depth. It was a piece of art.

“Yes. Ages ago. I put them all away.”

“Why?” 

“I don’t know. I had to work. I was with Costia and somehow …”

“Somehow you forgot about it?”

“Yes.”

“But Lex, these are beautiful.”

She heard a click and when she turned she looked directly into the lens of a camera. Another click.  
“Lexa, don’t … Look at me! I’m still in my scrubs.” She laughed.

“I _am_ looking at you.” Another click and another.

“Is this an analog camera?”

“Yes. It’s almost thirty years old. It’s my dad’s.” 

Clarke looked at the picture in her hand.  
“When did you take this?”

Lexa took a glance at the photo.  
“That’s my grandfather. And his dog Sam. … He had to put Sam down a few month after that was taken. So I must have been about ten.”

“You took this when you were ten years old?!”

Lexa shrugged. “Well, maybe eleven.”

Clarke stared at her.  
“And you didn’t photoshop this?”

Lexa raised her left eyebrow in confusion.  
“No. It’s the only print. I made it in my parents’ basement.”

“You developed this on your own?”

“Yes. My dad showed me how.”

“Lexa, these are really good.”  
Clarke picked up another photograph. Anya was sitting on a swing set, laughing so hard that her whole body was arched backwards almost making her fall off. “Why on earth have you stop with this?”

“I really have no idea. It just … happened.” Lexa got up, carefully avoiding putting too much weight on her injured leg. “But that is actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Your photographs?”

“Yes. Among other things.” She looked at Clarke. “Why don’t you take a shower and get changed and I order us some food? What are you in the mood for? Pizza? Chinese? Sushi?”

“Pizza sounds good.” Clarke frowned. “Is this going to be a serious talk? I feel like there is something on your mind.”

“Nothing bad. I promise.” Lexa kissed her on the cheek, but Clarke wasn’t convinced. Lexa could see it in the way she bit her lower lip and looked at her, but she wasn’t going to explain herself before dinner. She wanted to do this in the proper setting.

“Okay. You order pizza and I’ll take a shower, but then you will tell me what’s going on.”

“I promise.”

–

Clarke showered in record time and put on jeans and the red shirt she knew Lexa liked. She brushed her still damp hair and stared into the mirror. She looked tired. She wasn’t getting much sleep. Or rather sleep wasn’t restful. She still saw Roan’s face. She still heard the sound of the gun and the number of times she had woken up crying with Lexa holding her … She knew she had to do something about it. In fact she had already reached out. 

She sighed and put down the hair brush. The doorbell was ringing and when she entered the kitchen Lexa had already set the table. Even though it was only pizza she had opted for “fancy”. The plates and the cutlery were neatly arranged. There were two glasses of red wine and a whole bunch of candles.

Clarke looked at her.  
“Okay, what is it you have to make up for?”

Lexa smiled. She took Clarke’s hand, guided her to one of the chairs and made her sit down before she took the hair across from her.  
“I don’t have to make up for anything. At least I hope I don’t?” She looked at Clarke with her head slightly tilted to the side and her eyebrows raised in question. When Clarke chuckled she opened the pizza box and maneuvered a slice onto Clarke’s plate and then another on her own. “I did want to make this a special occasion however, because I made up my mind about something and I wanted to tell you.”

“Okay?”  
Clarke looked at her, waiting for the big reveal, but Lexa lifted her glass.  
“First let me say this: I love you. … I didn’t think I could love anyone ever again. But here I am. Utterly in love with you. You put things in perspective for me and I cannot thank you enough for that.” She smiled when she saw that Clarke got a little flustered.  
“I quit my job today.”

“You did what?”  
Clarke blinked.

“I talked to Anya and I told her that I don’t want to be on active duty any longer. I am done with being shot at and late night stake-outs. I offered to do desk work, but my sister flat-out refused.” She chuckled and took a sip of the wine. It still needed a little air. “She told me to – and I quote – finally do something my heart is into. Then she suggested I should pick up my camera again. And so I spent the day looking at all the photos I took over the years and I realized that she is right. … Not that I will admit that to her.” She put her glass back down. “I missed it. … My camera. … I really did. I have no idea why or when I stopped. I was so busy with my responsibilities … When our parents died and Anya asked me to be part of the company it didn’t even occur to me to say no. Don’t get me wrong. I am good at this job. I really am and nobody forced me into it, but Anya is right. My heart was never into it. I wanted to travel the world and take pictures. I’ve always wanted that. Maybe that’s why I put the photos away. So they wouldn’t remind me.” She looked at Clarke who sat there staring at her.  
“Are you still with me?”

Slowly Clarke’s face turned into the brightest smile.  
“Lexa, I don’t think I have ever heard you talk about anything with so much passion before. Could it be you’re a closeted artist?” 

“Are you making fun of me?”

“No. No! Not at all. I think it is a great idea … And I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t a little relieved …” Her eyes focused on the plate in front of her. She was a little embarrassed to admit this. Lexa’s hand found hers and she looked up again.

“I know, Clarke. I am sorry for all the things I put you through …”

“Don’t be, Lexa. You needed closure and you didn’t know how bad it was going to get.”

“But I never meant to hurt you …”

“And you didn’t.”

“But you are not okay, Clarke.”  
Lexa looked at her with so much sincerity and love, it almost made Clarke choke.  
“You are right. I am not okay.”  
She blinked away a tear.  
“I asked my mum to make an appointment for me today. With a therapist. He is not exactly a friend of my mum’s, cause that would be awkward … but he is someone she trusts. I am scheduled to meet him on Monday.”

“That is great, Clarke. If there is anything I can do …”

“Oh, trust me, there will be a lot you can do, cause if you’re going to be an unemployed artist from now on I expect you to clean the apartment, do the laundry and also serve me a warm meal when I come home from work.”

Lexa looked at her.  
“You’re going to have a field day with this ‘unemployed artist’ thing, aren’t you?”

Clarke gave her her brightest grin and took a huge bite of a slice of the pizza.  
“Oh, yes!”


End file.
